En direct de St. John's University, Jamaica, New York...

THE SMALRUS WEB SITE v. 7.0

4/26/00-on a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. this is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time....

monday was a boring day of classes and spending half the evening burning a cd mix for andrew. it's a pretty good mix with a surprise in the middle. i'd burn myself a copy if i was ready, but i think the full blink album's gonna come to be burned first...yesterday was tuesday, french, a lame senior meeting and then studying for the physics test that i bombed. seriously, the amount of work i put in that class (little or lots) has no effect on my grade...i'm destined to do sucky in that class. that class is a big turn off of science to me. physical sciences are my least favorite sciences because they explain the motion of the world, but biology explains life...that's what intrigues me. that's prolly gonna be what i minor in-biology. i'd still like to take some anatomy classes at mcgill because i like knowing more about the body than the average joe. i just dunno if i personally could make a career out of it. we got out after the test and rented fight club (YES!!!!!!) finally out on video, but not on dvd til 6 june. so then i basically chilled around with andrew and chris (who left early) and watched it til andrew left and then my piano lesson. can't decide if i'm gonna do the recital this year. fight club is still my favorite movie and surprisingly, andrew gave it 3 1/2-4 stars. it really isn't about fighting, they totally misadvertised it (well before the advertisements got pulled off tv), which is prolly why it did poorly at the box office. but its still a great movie, thanks to andrew for duping me a copy of it. today was an early morning nhs meeting. basically he told us he had some summer tutor jobs...my usual boring three classes and then got out, went to return the vid, go to the post office, go to my dads office, take him to rent a tux for this black tie wedding we're going to memorial day weekend. they're cousins of my dad but its in MA and they did come to my sis' bat mitzvah. so then i went to my mothers school to set up some computers and then install windows 3.1 and then take them apart so they could get like 10 computers that travellers donated to the school, out of this teacher's room so other teachers could potentially use them. that was a 3 hr project...by the time i got home, it was 530 and i'm starving because i haven't gotten to eat much during passover due to lack of bread products. you'd be surprised how essential true bread products are to your diet until you've gone 8 days w/o it. w/my high metabolism rate, a dinner of brisket and potatoes once a day is not enough...still workin on getting my laptop....that's about it...tomorrow i'm there all day and prolly not doing a damn thing...anyways...i'm getting lazy, rather tired, i'm calling it quits...the prom is in 2 days :P i'm irrational and now's not the best time...that's my story and i'm stickin to it...

4/23/00-well, i should be doing homework, cause i haven't done that in a while...nah...yesterday we got the cable modem installed and put in a burner today, so all we need now is a faster processor, a dvd player, and some more memory. i got plans for a laptop anyways...hewlett packard pavillion N3270. for those who care, it's a 475mhz (amd, which i think is faster than intel's chip), 64 mb sdram, 6 gig hard drive, 6x dvd, 14" xga screen, 8mb video card, and then i'm gonna get an ethernet card for $30 more to be able to do highspeed internet (perhaps plug into this cable modem). it's gonna be really cool, now i gotta get it.

i haven't done much this week so it's been kinda boring. downloaded a bunch of mp3s including a cd quality, illegal to distribute third eye blind song that was never released in anyform but concert. i feel special. its still passover til thursday night, but i'd like to wish happy easter to all my other friends. now i gotta figure out what i'm gonna eat for lunch tomorrow, i dunno what i'm gonna do at college. thurday was the job interview and i'll hopefully get it unless the other two interviewees can start earlier than me. that was about it for the day for me. i think i then went burner shopping even though we installed it today. it's only 2x, but it should be sufficient for us. unfortunately it's internal so my dad wasnt happy bout that. i think that was about it for me...

yesterday kicked ass. i love going to concerts. everytime is really great. yesterday after the guys left, i went to modern rock the earth day at drizzly bushnell park. that was awesome. i got there around 230 and met up with margaret's friend, andrea, and her friend, jess. so the three of us were hanging around the whole time. and i saw scott from my youth group and he had 2 of his friends there (one with vip passes). oh and i saw someone from camp that i CITed with and she was a counselor this year. so we got there and splender was on. rane, 9 days, wayward, and adios pantelones were already on and i guess were really good. there were a bunch of inconsistencies in booth order...the vegan tables were next to the steak and sausage vendors, the guys selling "tobacco sucks..the air out of your lungs" bumper sickers were next to the cigar and ezwider rolling paper vendors...it was certainly odd...

so splender was on and playing some stuff and the 3 of us made our way through the mud to the stage area. not to be racist, but i think it was cool that the lead singer was black. so is the one in sevendust. i mean it hasn't been too often in the past that you'd see mainstream alternative rock singers being black. the three of us were having a good time jumping around and then they played their hit single "yeah whatever" as their closer (i'm listening to it on mp3 as i write). so that was really cool cause atleast we made it for something good. their music was pretty good, i'd buy their cd. then we were walking around and it was kinda drizzly, but not pouring. the next band, mainstream punk-ska leaders, Goldfinger, were setting up. you may remember their hit from 2 or 3 years ago, "here in my bedroom" so they also have a new cd out last week i think, with a new song. so they burst out into song and mud started flying a little. the lead singer, jon feldmann shouts during the song "i love the fucking mud!!!" so of course, the people start throwing more and harder. the band keeps playing and he keeps going off about how he loves mud and he loves hartford, etc...and they're throwing and it hits the band and feldmann in the head and then the next song, he stage dives, finally, i guess it hit the bass player's bass and it broke, so he put it down, picked up mud and chucks it at the audience. suffice to say, the band got off, and vertical horizon, whom everyone was there to see, never set foot onstage, they took off on the bus. that sucked, but everything else was good. then the concert stopped and roadies started picking up, but the show didn't end. so many people were drunk, stoned, plastered that they were doing stupid shit. i watched the same 2 guys get in 4 fights in 20 min. they were beating the crap out of each other, it was hilarious, cause the one guy who really got it deserved it cause he was like torturing this golden retriever in the mud. and scott's friend was videoing the whole thing backstage and feldmann wants a copy of the tape for their web site :) and these guys couldn't even stand up w/o falling, it was hilarious. i'm so glad i went just because. the concert was over around 4 but we stayed anyways to watch stupid assholes make bigger assholes of themselves. a fun time for all...now we gotta see if we go to the RHCP/Foo Fighters concert this july...

came home mudsoaked, got changed, went to jon's mother's memorial service. it was really nice and some people gave touching eulogies. you felt like you knew his mother even if you didn't. everyone i knew was there so it was even better to see how much support we can give. then there was refreshments after, but i just had some punch cause it's still passover, so everyone went to friendly's after but i came home in hopes to do hw, but just played on this modem. :) cable, what a way to go.i downloaded an illegal to distribute mp3 of a 3eb song thats cd quality but was never released...give it up for napster...then at 1am, i caught earth day 2000 at DC on CSPAN and 3eb was just coming on and they played an unplugged version of jumper and never let you go. it was pretty good. vast improvement from how they played on madtv in january. the new guitarist seems like he's been really workin hard to learn the stuff better.

today i tutored and we went to the bushnell to see 1776. excellent show, very dramatic, even if you know the final result. even the songs were good. it was my first actual musical i've seen since i joined tech 3 years ago, so it was good to see. the singing was great, the acting was great, the two sets were good, they used scrim well and that was bout it.

anyways...i gotta go eat (i wonder what passover lunch is tomorrow) and then maybe get the burner software on and test it, finish my hw, finish my college turn down letters, and then i dunno what...anywho...that's my story and i'm stickin to it...

4/19/00-today's update consists of two entries, one on the past week or so since school's pretty boring and the details of that are really slim other than french immersion day when we got to the finals at quizbowl, just by answering 13 questions. big trophy for that one. other than that, classes have been lame. also, the first, rough draft (truly rough draft) 15 pages of my thesis can be found here if you have word 97. on with the first entry on passover...

it's been about a year since i've started the reflection part of my page. how do i know this? because my second or third to oldest reflection on the page was about passover, which started tonight. at that time, i wrote about passover to try and educate people who didn't know anything about it, just as i did for purim this year. as a result, i am going to "rebroadcast" my explanation of passover, spencerstyle. you may have seen the exodus in cecil b. demille's Ten Commandments on ABC this past sunday. it pretty much adheres to the story of passover, but here's how it all goes (the relationships of dates and times were the only thing modified to this year)...

"Tonight started Passover. So because this is the page owned by me, I'm going to share what passover is. Many people know of passover as Jesus' last supper, but that's purely coincidential because passover the holiday has nothing to do with jesus whatsover.

Passover is a celebration of jewish freedom, but perhaps most important because it dates back to biblical times. The story of the exodus is told in the Torah, which many gentiles know as the old testament. The story recounts the jewish plight from egypt to escape the pharoah, who was using the jews as slaves to build his cities and pyramids. Most people have at one time heard about or seen the Ten Commandments. (after all, they show it every easter). but the celebration of passover goes beyond the story of the exodus. i guess you need to have an understanding about some of the symbolism in the objects we use during this time.

The passover meal is called the seder. seder means order i believe that's in hebrew, not yiddish. the reason this is is because we follow an order the whole meal using a book called a haggadah. the meal is not just sit down and eat, but there's stuff we do. for example. there are four glasses of wine that we drink. we spill 10 drops of wine on our plate for each of the 10 plagues inflicted on the pharoah. there's some other stuff we do, all as we follow along in this book, and recount the exodus story. and just as with the holocaust, we do this so that we never forget.

On the table, there's a seder plate, with parsley (karpas), which is symbolic of spring and new life, a hard boiled egg (baytzah), which is symbolic of life, bitter herbs (maror), which is symbolic of the bitterness that our people went through as slaves in egypt, charoset-a mix of crushed walnuts and apples and cinnamon and wine- which is symbolics of the mortar used in the bricks. (that's the best tasting stuff), the last thing is the shankbone of a lamb (zaroah) which represents the lamb's blood that was put on the houses of the jews to spare their firstborn son's from the angel of death, which was the last plague brought upon the pharoah. the pharoah had a son, who was firstborn and he was taken. so....today i'm went to the synagogue at 6:30 am to fulfil a talmudic requirement for all firstborn males to either study the morning of passover eve day, or to fast the whole day. i'd rather study :). so my dad (who's also firstborn son) and went. anyways, as i was saying.....

we eat matzah. this is symbolic of the unleavened bread our ancestors had to eat in the wilderness. for fear that the pharoah's army would catch up with them, they were always on the move and didn't have time to let the bread rise. this is what makes it seem like a cracker, but it isn't. nothing we eat during the 8 days of passover can be made of bread products of anykind. everything we eat has to be kosher for passover. special passover cookies, candies, cereals, all made out of matzah derivatives. matzah in a factory has to be made and cooked in less than 8 min otherwise, it's no longer matzah, because the dough starts to rise at 8 min.

there's so much more stuff about passover that i could put up, but there's a limit to how much people want to read on one web page. so if there's any questions or anything else i can think of about passover, it'll be up here as we go along."

Feel free to ask me any questions on this holiday, any at all. It's one of my favorite ones so i'll try my best to answer anything...

4/19/00-this has been an interesting, sad, yet happy week. last tuesday, much to everyone's sadness, jon's mother passed away. as soon as i heard, i was over at his house and val and carrie were there also. i didn't know if it would be a good time, but i figured the least i could do as a friend was be over to help console him. the next day, the teachers let us use the guidance conference room to hang around and talk about stuff. they were really nice about it. then after school, we went over to jon's house for a while to help console him again. almost everyone we knew showed up so it was really nice. i'm glad we were able to help him out. none of us will ever comprehend how he feels, but rest assured, we'll still be there for him. this unfortunate event has led us all to thinking about ourselves as people and how we all deal with death of loved ones differently. sometimes it makes us realize what we have and brings us closer together...it's hard to know what to say about something like this...there's just a loss of words but you hope in the silence of it, that people understand you, where you're coming from and why you are, how you are.

friday evening i went over to the concatellis to watch the sixth sense. still a good movie, my review's on my reviews page. while i'm on the subject of reviews, i bought the movie pi, i reviewed it, but i also saw terms of engagement last night with jon and scott (thanks to jon's free tix) and am going to review it tomorrow, and bought creed's cd, human clay, and am going to review it tomorrow...hell, i might have to review the concatelli's new feature backyard film, the south windsor grass project, tomorrow. those 3 reviews will surely keep me busy...

as far as career plans go, i'm starting to lean towards a career in entertainment law. when i think about it, all my interests are in the arts. music, theater, painting/drawing, tv, movies...i'm not skilled at any one of those things, but to get involved with them would be pretty cool and i think entertainment law might be the way to do it. so those are my new thoughts on career plans....

back on track again...saturday afternoon (after i bought pi, human clay, and a magazine on the british revival of clockwork orange), we left for mcgill. it took 5 hours of my dad going 80mph or more, including a gas stop before the border (gas up there is about $2.30/gallon up there, we thought we had it bad) and customs. there was a dussault road and i wanted to take a picture of the sign, but both ways, i couldn't get my dad to stop the car. got into montreal round 730 to get some traffic and headed to the holiday inn on sherbrooke street, about 5 blocks from campus. (julian, carl, and jeff left tuesday to stay at the sheraton four points which was right across the street from where we stayed) hung around the hotel a bit, went to planet hollywood for dinner, and then toured the lower part of campus before we went back to the hotel to watch south park and the simpsons dubbed in french. good thing i take french or i wouldn't have had any clue. the canadians aren't that bad, they know if you're american that french isn't always easy, so most of them are patient with your french. you just have to be less intimidated and actually use it.

the next day, we woke up, called mora judd (who is the only person from south windsor to go to school up there right now) and went over to her place to get her for breakfast. we went to breakfast at a place we went when we were in montreal 6 years ago, a chain of 50's breakfast restaurants opened by who else, but celine dion, called nickels. good food. she then showed us around campus some more for about 4 hours even though most stuff was closed for exams plus it was sunday. then we left her, went back to the hotel, bummed around, i took a solo ride around the metro, and went for chinese at this buffet on the other end of the city. good food, all you can eat, and the owner was incredibly nice, gave us his card-his 3 kids went to mcgill, so he was like, if you're up here and need anything, give me a call...really nice guy.

next day, woke up, went to admissions, asked them a few questions to clear up some concerns of my parents, handed in my enrollment agreement, and then went to immigration offices on the other side of the city. i needed a certificate of acceptance letter from the quebec govt, so we handed in the paperwork and i'll get that now next time i cross the border at customs. then we went back to the campus for the official campus tour. the tour was kinda short and exams were going on so it was kinda hard, but it was my third time around campus so i kinda knew it all already. i feel like i know my way around now. while we were waiting for the tour to start, there was a computer slideshow running in the room. apparently, the american schools mcgill students most applied to were schools like yale, columbia, cornell, harvard, mit, umichigan...many ivy league schools. now if it wasn't an ego boost that i was accepted to a school with people that applied to those schools, i don't know what was. also, bill shatner went to mcgill and the student center is unofficially named after him, but for it to be official, he needs to donate money and die :) then we hung around campus, went to the bookstore, ran into mora again, bought tshirts, hats, and i got a fleece vest also, then essentially left for home to make it back around 1130.

tuesday was do nothing with the exception of going to the concatellis to watch their movie premiere...very odd night...then went to terms of engagement w/jon and scott. real fun to go out with just the three of us again. we haven't done that in many many months. they're talking about coming up labor day weekend since the drinking age is 18 up there :) so they'll crash at my place and we'll do stuff for the weekend. that would be really cool. then today was the siyium at 630am at the synagogue like i said, back to bed, unexpected call from julian from montreal (can you say expos game and strip clubs? ;)) then helping my mom around the house for the company that came over for passover. and that's catching up. tomorrow's a job interview at manchester town hall for a summer clerical position. then maybe the concatelli's and pete over to watch pi. friday's prolly gonna be a work day to do some reading/math (yeah right), and that's it for now...

now for my thoughts on my future alma mater...mcgill is ranked 4th in a country of 89 universities. it dropped down from 3 last year. much of this though is due to the politics of the region. mcgill is one of the only english universities in french quebec. because of this, they get screwed up the ass by the quebec govt as far as govt funding goes. this means that there aren't as many campus upkeep projects and whatnot. the majority of income comes from tuition and massive research grants (due to the fact that mcgill is one of the world's prime research universities). so i'm getting myself smack into the whole french-english political war. mcgill is not american at all. american colleges pamper their students with nice landscaping, nice lounges, dorms, lobbies, lavish plush furniture, the professors help you to raise your grade so the university looks better and rankings are higher...that's not the way canadian (or my dad claims most european) colleges work. the buildings are their for their functions. they're nice buildings on the outside, but the insides are truly there to serve their functions for classes. much different housing situations. all international students are guaranteed housing for 4 years, but next year, only 25 students in the 1800capacity international residences are returning again. the rest of the students all rent apartments. some of these apartments are actually closer than the residence halls themselves. residence halls themselves are all singles and upkeep is minimal. suffice to say, the housing experience lends itself to growing up faster, cooking your own meals, being on your own, totally different than any american university residential situation. i'm interested in how this is gonna turn out. the daily schedule is prolly the same as most colleges, but the year schedule goes, school at the end of august and then labour day (same day as ours). then school from september to october and then thanksgiving day (which is columbus day), then school from then in october to december for a two-three week break depending on exam schedule. then school from after new years to february for a 4 day study break. then school from after that til april, when you have exams. exams are 3 weeks, but you only have around 5 classes so depending on your schedule will depend on if you get out the second or fourth week of april to start summer break. even summer classes end by the end of may. thus no matter what happens, i'm done with school by june, even if i wanna take some extra summer courses in an off major subject. the whole sports rivalries don't seem big up there, but they got pro sports teams like my canadiens so that's not bad. besides, there's always curling :) what else? i dunno, it's just a different kind of experience than one any of my friends will have here in the states. but i'd be happy if people came up to visit me on break and i'd try to come back myself. atleast when i'm on some break of mine. i just have a pretty good feeling about this...anyways...its 0042 and i got a 1000 job interview tomorrow (i forgot they operate on a 24 hr time cycle. i'm getting used to that and metrics and celcius). so i best be going for now, this is long enough...that's my story and i'm sticking to it...

4/4/00-this day consists of two entries, one for today and one for my weekend. i'm hoping to submit the one on the weekend to people on the regional board...you can tell where the part i wanna submit is. i'd like to use my space here to wish emily a happy 17th birthday. i'm not sure if she ever comes to my site, but if she does, happy birthday emily. today in french we did a boring day of computer work, in activity, i learned anuraag has facial hair envy because he had to yank at my goatee while i was sleeping and wake me up. in english, i learned brown girl, brownstones, has some topics you can actually discuss. in physics i learned that labs with springs are inanely boring. i learned that you can't fall asleep on the couches in the library without getting yelled at by stoklosa for setting a bad example, i learned that even when you ask to play a type of music for your piano lesson, the teacher doesn't always listen for the past 8 years and get you the music you wanna play (armstrong, gillespie, ellington, other jazz greats). instead he gets you some weird no name arrangements or some scott joplin that you've done before. and that was about my day in review. i haven't done much. no car tomorrow, 3 periods, maybe some reading and thesis work and i need a laptop...read my next entry...that's my story and i'm sticking to it...

4/2/00, 4/4/00-i left off last wednesday as my last update. thursday and friday morning were probably boring (or most of it ;) so i'll spare you all the details...i didn't hear from any new colleges. mr bouchard sat in our french class. nuala's still chasing dave. i still cant get my tutee to study. this brown girl, brownstones book is so boring, i've fallen asleep 4 times in a minute in class reading it...stupid physics lab, cable modem didn't get installed cause i'm not 18 so he couldn't do the installation. first serviceman ever to ask my age before starting the work. next time he said lie. but i don't get why he wanted me to lie next time instead of saying that he just never heard it and then just proceed as planned. instead, apparently, we're not going to be getting the cable modem until april 22...earth day...rane plays noontime at modern rock the earth day...i might be passing out flyers/selling tix for the cd release party at the webster, june 9th. regrettably senior reception night. if they could only play the party at the reception :) new cd promises to be kick ass based on some of the songs i've heard and that i know. still got homework right now-25 pgs of english reading, some calc, and maybe some thesis, but i don't think i can work on thesis tonight...this weekend was kinda tiring...and so from that note, i'm am now going to recount my weekend at USY SPRING CONVENTION 2000 (aka 00Spring). there's not as many specifics regarding individuals due to the fact that I'm probably going to submit it to the hanefesh regional director...

In Fall of 1998, I went to USY FALL CONVENTION 1998. After coming back from that convention, I wrote an article for my chapter's web site, explaning the feeling I got from the convention. It was soon picked up by my chapter advisor who informed the Hanefesh Regional Director, Marcus Fink, of what I had written. Thanks to Marcus, my article made it into the Jewish Ledger and was read by subscribers of the paper all around the state, including my rabbi, some cousins of my mother, and apparently various other people. That convention was my second fall convention and my third convention, coming right at the beginning of my junior year. In fact, for me, that was probably the first event of the year for me. That was then...This is now...

This past weekend was USY SPRING CONVENTION 2000 (The theme of convention was 00Spring. I think it had to do with spy stuff.) As a senior, I must say, this was one of the most emotional USY events I've ever been to. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be present for the opening events, including icebreakers and whatnot, but we arrived just in time for Shabbos. With barely enough time, I changed into my dress clothes and headed to the board room, which would serve as our sanctuary for the next two days. A few friends of mine were already seated for services, so I made my way over to them and greeted them as the services started. Shabbat services are always fun to go to but I never go as much as I should. It's always comforting to go to tefillah at USY. For some reason, the idea of us teenagers being able to lead the entire service, including the torah portions, has always fascinated me. It's usually at this point in the day where our title of "children of the future" is further strengthened. Even though services can often feel like they're too long and drawn out, being able to daven entirely with my peers is, in a way, more relaxing than davening at shul. Being together in one room, reciting the prayers, and listening to the d'vrei torahs truly enhances the "Jewish high" I feel.

Once Shabbat services were over, we all headed to different rooms for our shiurim. The study topic of this week's convention was Interdating/Intermarriage. There were a wide variety of viewpoints on these topics and it was interesting to see what people had to say. There were things that were said that I agreed with and things I didn't agree with. As always, studying at USY always challenges your ideas on different topics and makes you think about life.

After shiurim, we all headed to the dining room for dinner. At this point, I was finally able to catch up with everyone and say hi to people I missed earlier. On sitting down at the table, the barrage of insults and jokes started o fly. Despite the fact that President Paul Lurie kept walking by the table at all the wrong times, I still knew that sitting there was just like we'd seen each other the day before. Dinner ended with Birkat Hamazon. As I've just come back from my last convention as a USYer, I think it is only just that I share my thought on Birkat.

Fall Convention 1997 was my first convention ever. As a sophomore who was minimally regionally active, I didn't really know anyone and was even more so intimidated by having to recite prayers I didn't even know. This was really the first time I had ever seen a B'chol Echad, but some people knew what page to turn to, while others didn't even need the book. We broke into prayer after we ate our meal and while I tried to follow along speed with the transliteration, I was more seduced by the power of the song itself. I found certain sections would send a chill up my spine or make me shiver with pride. By the time we got near the end at "Oseh shalom bimromov, hu y'ahaseh shalom..." I realized that not only was I trying to sing along, but everyone else in the room was singing as well. So by the time we got to "The man in the moon is my friend..." I knew that even if I never knew all the words to the prayers, as long as I could sing the song, I would make a connection. Slamming and banging on the tables with over 80 people and singing louder than anything is a memory that I'll never forget- one that I'll always associate with Birkat Hamazon and all the times I got to sing it. If I eat at Hillel sometime next year, I'm sure Birkat and post-Birkat ruach sessions will trigger fond memories of USY. As I sat on my table on Friday night, I could not help but to reflect back on all the events I had been to and how that one aspect of prayer made me feel abot being Jewish.

After Birkat, we headed back to the rooms to change and go to the Friday night program which happened to be the Jewish Newlywed Game. My partner and I got 16 out of 16 correct, even if we cheated on a few, but it was still interesting to see what the other person thought I'd pick and vice versa. After that, I headed back to the room so that I could hop in the shower before everyone came back from the Heschel and Chai Society meetings. After a relatively long day, my roommates and I decided to call it a night, going to bed around 12:30am.

On Saturday morning, Kima was around 7:30. Again, we were to get dressed for shabbos and attend services. Services were probably around 2-2 1/2 hours long and while you still check your watch from time to time and nod off periodically due to lack of sleep, you can't help but feel refreshed afterwards. Shabbat services are great because, for someone like myself, whose Jewish education isn't as extensive as many, I always come away learning something new. Sometimes it's a place to bow that I didn't know of, a new section of prayer, or even the message from the d'var torah. Learning it around my friends make the shabbat morning service experience even more pleasureable and pretty soon you find that as you check your watch, the time melts until the services are over.

When services ended, it was time for another shiur. This time, we talked about what being Jewish is in relation to dating. The discussion was interesting and the hour didn't even feel like it was that long. We ate lunch after the shiur and again came Birkat. After lunch was chofesh-free time. After being dressed up all morning, we could finally change into normal clothes and hang out. I went to my friends' room and we were talking, went for a walk, etc. I'm not the most observant person and I won't lie and say that I keep shabbos, but for some reason, being at convention creates a different feeling around me, when I know that everyone around me is spending their day almost the same way as I am. It makes shabbos feel more special and yet you still don't get the feeling like you're missing out on something. When chofesh ended, we got dressed again for another shiur and of course, everyone was falling asleep due to lack of sleep but we ended our study sesions talking about why we should/n't send this young child of a mixed marriage to Hebrew School. The consensus was that it should be based on the intentions of the child if he does/n't go and not the parents'.

We then had Mincha service, went to eat, and then Shabbat Ma'ariv service. After the Ma'ariv service was Havdalah. I hadn't been to fall convention this year, but I recalled my encampment at encampment and the emotions of seniors then, and then I remembered my first convention when we were praying in the little synagogue in the woods and watching the seniors then. I guess I didn't understand it but as we circled in the center and read quotes on friendship, I realized what being a USYer was. Here I was singing along with Aaron Darter's guitar and the other seniors. Maybe they didn't all know me as well as I would have liked, and maybe I didn't know them all as well as I would have liked, but for this short period of prayer, I felt connected to this small group of people. The Smashing Pumpkins titled a song, "The End is the Beginning is the End." I disagree. Sometimes the end is just the beginning.

After Havdalah, we went back to our rooms to change for the Israel program/SATO fundraiser/dance. The Israel program was a great success and incredibly fun, thanks to the geniousity of Michelle Mandel, VP Israel Affairs. We got to make a map of Israel using ice cream and put different toppings on various geographic locations. In the end, we got to eat the ice cream, making for a great dessert. I can again say that going to Israel this summer was one of the best experiences of my life. I remember when I used to hear kids my age talk about USY High, Pilgrimage, or Nativ, or other programs to go to Israel. I wanted to go but couldn't and when so many kids would talk about places in Israel and the experiences they had, I couldn't identify. True, I didn't travel with a USY related program and I didn't get to stay as long as some kids, but I could now identify with them a lot better. The Israel program was one of these times. I basically visited the northern half of the state but even that much could allow me to reflect back on the sights of the Dead Sea, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, or the Golan Heights. That trip put me on a level of pride and understanding that you could only get from visiting Israel.

When the Israel program was over, we headed next door for the SATO auction, where several items of different value were auctioned off including autographed pictures, beanie babies, and CDs. It was a lot of fun and I was able to put in my $9. A lot of screaming of bids but by the end, everything was gone and over $1100 was raised. It was excellent that so much money was raised in one night.

As usual, we ran off schedule and were 15 minutes or so late to the dance. The usual USY DJ, Mr T was there cutting away at different tracks. I remembered my first USY dance and the music he played and how I detested many of the songs. But as time went on and I kept coming back to dances, I began to realize how much of a tradition these songs were- the Grease songs, "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights," "Baby Got Back"- all of them were songs that link Hanefesh USYers from year to year. Judaism is full of tradition and these songs I wouldn't normally listen to were part of something great that would only take time for me to realize. Even Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" (which I find to be musically monotonous), had some sentiment as the last dance of the night and the last dance of my USY career. Of course, there was a lot of good music as well and I managed to pull off a dance or two here or there. One of the best dances of the night was when they played NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye" and for the first time, we really got to show to everyone the boyband dance. After 2 1/2 years, we finally got people to notice the dance my sister and I created. And even if we were upstaged for a few seconds, it was still fun and we knew that that's what we wanted out of our last convention.

The dance ended around 1am-ish and we seniors got to go back to the rooms, change into our bathing suits, and go swimming. The pool must have been 110º because it was like taking a bath. We dove and swam until almost 3am when a bunch went to pack the sauna. When they came out, a friend and I went in for a few minutes. And by 3:15 we all went back to the rooms to hear that the comic hypnotist and his party were running around the hotel drunk and making complaints about us, etc. We were getting ready for bed when a knock came on our door around 3:30ish. The drunk people were going down the hall, knocking on everyone's doors. Somehow, we all managed to get to sleep around 4:30am.

Kima on Sunday morning wasn't until 7:45, but Shacharit was at 9:15. As seniors, we knew better and went back to bed and slept until around 8:30. Got up and dressed for the last day. After dumping our luggage, we went into the room for services and started to put on our tefillin. Donning tefillin was something else I enjoy doing at USY events. Before USY, the only time I ever put on tefillin was to learn it for my bar mitzvah. When I first found out that tefillin was required for my first convention, I wasn't even sure if I had any of my own. I got to relearn low to lay tefillin and the order in which it was put on, how to wrap it around my hand, etc. The only thing was that we only had to lay tefillin on Sunday morning. Disappointed, I tried to lay tefillin every morning after convention but as my morning schedule changed, it was harder to do so without being late for the the bus. Still, laying tefillin at convention made the Shacharit service all the more fufilling.

After tefilah, we removed our tallit and tefillin and the room we used for our sanctuary became a political forum for Regional Board elections. After hearing several speeches and voting for all 7 positions, we came out with a new board for the 2000-2001 year (An all female board, might I add.). The process was rather lengthy, but the future of the region was secure for another year. From elections, we went to the lunchroom and, using tons of bread, peanut butter, and jelly donated by Stop and Shop, made over 1,000 sandwichs for the poor in about a half hour. When that was finished, we cleared off the tables and readied for lunch. We ate lunch with everyone, but when the meal ended, the speeches began. Different awards and scholarships were handed out to several USYers and chapters and then Paul gave his last official speech as president of the Hanefesh region. Both his and Marcus' speeches were highly emotional as they talked about ending one chapter of Hanefesh's history and starting a new one. Old members of the board were discharged of their duties while the new members took over. Although there are still a few regional events left, including the final event of the year, convention is when it feels like the year is done. After saying goodbyes, it was time to head home.

Back in '98, I wrote about how USY made me take a look at myself not only as a person, but as a Jew as well. Although I didn't get to go to as many regional events this year, spring convention had me reflecting on the events that I had gone to and just how much of an impact USY has had on me. USY has allowed me to meet other teens my age and form bonds between us that I don't even have with some of my school friends. There are inside jokes between us that come from all the sleepovers, during shiurim, dances, and even tefillah that I could only share with other USYers. At different times on this convention, I honestly found myself recalling different events from different regional functions I went to. Although it may not have been outwardly visible by everyone, including myself, I'm sure that all of the seniors were upset that it's over. During havdalah, Aaron Darter gave a d'var tefillah on how havdalah was a separation between shabbat and the rest of the week. That's what spring convention was for us seniors; a separation between the Jewish life we know and experience and the Jewish life we don't know and are heading off to experience. And just as we don't want to see Shabbat leave, we don't want to end our time in USY. But the end of the week comes and we have to go. We reflect on the good week we had; we thank G-d for all of the good and all of the bad, all of the memories we made and all of the memories we take. But we also welcome the new week. Next year, my sister moves up from a Kadimanik to a freshman USYer. I hope that she continues to create strong bond between friends and make her own memories. I hope that she can come out of USY feeling stronger as a Jew and more of a part of the Jewish community, just as I have. Being in USY was still the most wonderful time of my life. It still made me feel great about myself as a Jew and the Jewish community that I'm a part of. As I head off to college next year, I plan on continuing my involvement in Hillel and hope that it can only be as rewarding an experience as my years in USY.

that's my story and i'm stickin to it...(unless i find out theres some chronological stuff that needs to be changed...)

Past reflections: