I want to look like this...
28/04/03(1140pm)-jesus t. christ, what the hell are the odds of all of this?
on a side note, exams went soso today. canadian history was okay and peacebuilding was 4 of 5 ids (UXO, corruption, peace vs justice vs reconciliation dilemma, burden sharing, female-headed households) and 1 of 2 essays (1. Discuss some of the challenges involved in donor coordination. What are the different ways in which coordinaton mechanisms might be structured, and what are the advantages and disadvantages of each? What difficulties are presented by the principle of "host country ownership? 2. Identify the various actors who might assume the role of a mediator in a civil conflict, and discuss the strengths and weaknesses of each. 3. Describe the major steps typically involved in DDR programs, and explain the importance and difficulties of each of these.)
one more exam to go, quebec history tomorrow 9am. i burnt myself out last night. and i got a lot of the quebec history from studying canadian history, so ill do a little more and then hit the sack. i just want to be done already. im tired of these exams. quite frankly, id rather have had my exams spaced out than having 3 in 27 hours. anyways, im gonna go finish the hockey game and do more work. so that tomorrow i can finally be done with this goddamn year.
(250am)- well basically its almost 3am and ive been studying canadian history for approximately the last 13 hours, give or take some dinner and some hockey here and there. so i just feel like rambling before i go to bed. i bought a couple of camus' books to read on the bus ride home. both are the original french texts since ive got this desire (what with immersion coming up) to read some of the french classics in the original french. so i intend to read la peste (the plague) and la mythe de sisyphe (the myth of sisyphus) in french. and i also picked up esteemed canadian author margaret atwood's book, the handmaid's tale, which is apparently somewhat orwellian. atwood's actually gonna be at mcgill tomorrow, but ive got exams anyways, so...
anyways, my ramble here is about fear. i think humankind is on the cusp of self-annihilation. people are paranoid, obsessed, neurotic... take for instance the SARS threat. i believe the statistic is that SARS has a 95% recovery rate. meaning even if you had SARS, the odds are more than in your favour that your case wont be fatal. on the offshot that you caught SARS, youd still probably be more likely to die in a car accident within 5 miles of your house than you would dying from the disease. besides, surgical masks arent worth shit anyways. im not crazy. most of the people wearing these surgical masks havent seemed to notice that the sides of the masks are open, leaving potential for contamination. the only way they would be effective would be if the area around the mouth and nose are completely sealed off, and if you are breathing through the filter. even that has a probability of contamination- although probably less than you dying from the disease...
take for instance, iraq. the latest episodes of 24 have featured the explosion of a nuclear bomb and the backlash against arabs. while it is true that anti-americanism is at an unprecedented high, the fact of the matter is, most people entering the united states are there as a result of the "american dream." while it is true that any such terrorist act could happen, the odds in a country of 300 million is probably the same as you dying of SARS. what really got me going was people who thought they could survive a chemical attack by duct taping their house. if surgical masks cant keep out SARS, why would duct tape keep out vx nerve gas? (and to say that its duct tape- well watch panic room again and tell me that the propane didnt leak through the duct tape.)
take for instance the economy...we spend money on war, but no money on infrastructure. why arent schools bigger? why arent parents caring about childrens educations? people blame the teachers, but theres so many fucked up things in the home, that the last thing on the kid's mind is what 2+2 is. so we're worried about economic meltdown. we're worried that little bobby cant get the next incarnation of nintendo this christmas. so its tax cuts for all and larger ones for the rich. and 95% of the people getting their 500$ back cant even use it to pay off their 20,000$ credit card debt they racked up buying nintendos.
take for instance, crime. illegal drugs keep going up. trafficking has become a joke. the DEA has become a joke. DARE has become a joke. and yet somewhere along the lines of history, its proven that temperance movements have failed. we fear our children becoming addicts, we fear our children dropping out of school, not furthering themselves as individuals, but we neglect to realise that its a vicious cycle that is learned through self-determination and individualism. probably 95% of those who drink or smoke are those who are career business people. the hypocrisy runs thick...
take for instance ourselves. we are obsessed with our neighbour, we are obsessed with strangers. and yet, its never done us any good. we learn no lessons. we dont better humanity, we better ourselves. so we can have the bigger house, expensive car, etc... and we're always afraid of it being taken away. the knowledge is in our heads. amazing, that the entire lot of civilisation has laid within 2 pounds of grey matter within our skulls. all this material world exists as a result of the physical manipulation with our brains. and what results is that humankind has become plagued with xenophobia. as though the consequences of what other people might do to us is detrimental to ourselves.
maybe it is. maybe walking around the streets of new york at 3am isn't a good idea. maybe trusting the middle eastern man who owns the shish taouk shop isnt a good idea. you know what though? maybe the only person we have to fear is ourselves. because if you have to live your life in fear of your surroundings, and have to live your life in fear of living your life, then its all pointless. for at what point do i let that 5% dictate what i do in my life. at what point is weighing the odds downright absurd? and at what point do i consume fear, or do i let fear consume me?
27/04/03(950pm)- oy gevalt. rock history final okay. mainly been watching hockey and studying. 2 exams tomorrow- canadian history (9am) and peacebuilding (2pm). eep. then quebec history on tuesday (9am). im a busy boy. but after noon on tuesday, all is good. got my web counter working again. going home thursday and starting work friday hopefully. want to see jen. want finals to be over. whens my laundry ready? earplugs are good. so are chips ahoy creamwiches. i like oatmeal raisin cookies. thats what i have to say now.
25/04/03(215am)- more tomorrow on the gifts and subway. changed my cell #. kept getting annoying fax numbers. if you dont have the new number, email me. rock and roll history exam tomorrow. not too worried about it. then some other work also. gotta get a bus ticket, prolly for may 2. also, i revamped my rane lyrics page so instead of one big long page with all the songs, mini windows pop up with the lyrics. took me a little to figure out the coding, so give it a check please?
one more thing: Maggie the Macaque stole my picks. go monkey!
24/04/03(845pm)- just to back that up a bit... sarah got engaged to john today. i dont get to talk to her nearly enough. like most of the people back home, she's usually busy when im not and vice versa. and since i went off to school, she and i havent been in touch as much as i have with some people back home. but we were talking about stuff over the past couple of days and about john possibly proposing and the last couple of months we've talked about it sporadically. and ive met him a couple of times and he seems like a real nice guy and perfect for her and he makes her happy. so im happy for her, shes one of the first of my friends to get engaged, and even though i know it may seem young, when i was talking to her yesterday before he proposed, she seemed set on marrying him- that even though she knew its early in life, it didnt matter because she would feel this way anyways, why not start now. so hence, i congratulate her on her engagement, or as we say in hebrew, mazel tov sarah and john!
23/04/03(845pm)- CONGRATULATIONS SARAH!
21/04/03(1215am)- back in montreal now for the last push before another year is knocked down. highlights of the year included meeting jen finally and visits from margaret and julian. visitors are always welcome. anyways. as i say at the bottom of the page, suggestions and submissions are always welcome to smalrus.com and so due to jared's suggestion, ive started an asshole of the week column as you may well notice. briefing the last week or so...
friday 11/04- i finished my work, went to the PSSA beer and pizza and saw all my peacebuilding buddies there. didnt have time to do my laundry, went out later to the trib end-of-the-year party, but left at 1130 to go see the wesley willis documentary, the daddy of rock and roll. highly interesting to hear him talk about stuff and how he writes his music and whatnot. as kooky as the lyrics are, the man has a story to tell with them. he's not telling us to "lick a camel's bootyhole," he's telling his demons to do just that. came home from that around 130
saturday 12/04- and i decided that since my bus ride was 6am that i would pull an all nighter. stayed up, talked to people, packed, etc etc, but finally crashed around 4. woke up at 5 and left for the station. 9 hour bus ride to hartford (car is quicker obviously). got into hartford around 3. dad and grampa picked me up at the station and we basically went home. chilled at home, then jen came over and i got to introduce her to grampa. hahahhohoboy, i love everybody loves raymond. that show is the shizz. reminds me of my own dysfunctional family. in the comedic sense, of course. its funny how much you start to notice how much you become like your grandfather. because him and i are two peas in the same pod, making the same stupid mistakes at ages 20 and 77. apparently somewhere in the middle is where you have it all figured out...anyways, so then novick picked up me and jen at the house and chauffeured us to madison arts barn for the last trav and kurt show. the setlist was unreal. everything that i would have wanted to hear in a last trav and kurt show was more or less played. complete with shaka blues featuring kurt with the cowbell taped to his crotchal area. and bowman whacking it. and a sick goomba and sick center and sick opening feeding and sick limitless, and a sick mirage, and a kinda disappointing apple. they skipped the beginning percussive part and went straight into the song :-/ and a sick castles with us yelling "shaka" and a sick broca's and a sick new england song with killer solo and a sicker 4>5 to cap the show off. the one memory ill always have of them- the two of them working the set on the outro of 4>5. because ive never seen two guys play the same set at once in any other band. i said it in january after the g-spot, but ill say it again. they'll be sorely missed.
sunday 13/04- novick dropped us off around 1am and jen and i hung out a while before she left and i went to bed. woke up sunday not doing all too much i dont think. oh wait, no. we went to pepes with grampa and met fran and dave. mmmm...i love my pepes. and libby's for a mousse-based canoli and also italian ices. best ever. came back from that and called up jen. went over and briefly met her family before bringing her back to uconn. slept over at uconn but didnt get to sleep until about 5am
monday 14/04- when we woke up at 830. we were supposed to meet nicole and waffle for breakfast at 8, but we were mighty late. oops. i got my payback though. when i left campus at 9, i found a 30$ parking ticket which immediately sent in my appeal for. got back to sw at 930 to relinquish the jackmobile (what we now call our boat of a buick), to grampa after i said hi to everyone at the bank. i dunno what i did during the day. probably some work, but i cant remember what else.
tuesday 15/04- cant remember what i did during the day but in the evening i ended up going to jen's for dinner with her and her parents. then i took her back to uconn since she was home for the day due to surgery. so i hung out with her at uconn and then we went to andrews place where we watched 24 and chatted. i met his RA, will, who's also friends with jen from high school. from there we went back to her place hung out and the likes and i slept over.
wednesday 16/04- slept til 7 when i got up and moved the car so it wouldnt get ticketed again (stupid uconn bastard police). went back to sleep, woke up and we went to breakfast. then jen went to class and i did some reading. went to anthro class with her and i almost decided to pick a "scholarly debate" with her prof, who is a phd candidate prick. he was offering them historically inaccurate information in their lecture and its no wonder why its so fucked up. and, they even get course packs with the powerpoint slides and spaces for notes on each slides. i wish profs here made things that easy. instead ive got a peacebuilding final in which one question is practically 40% of my final grade. anyways. dad called me around 130 and i found out i shoulda been home to give grampa the jackmobile. oh well. basically i went home and hung around til the seder. i woulda put up my traditional passover story like i do every year, but my ftp wasnt working at home, so i couldnt do it. seder was good. mom made probably one of the best ones ever with food. and the douglases were there and us and grampa. i dunno when i went to bed. cant remember.
thursday 17/04- during the day i gave grampa the jackmobile. so i was basically home not doing much although i think dad and i went to take my suit in to antoinette. i like it, its pierre cardin, 3 button, charcoal grey with a thin, light blue/grey pinstripe. got a few bar mitzvahs/weddings coming up this summer and i cant wear my blazer to everything, plus interviews or whatever next year... i needed a suit cause i didnt have one since about 3 years ago. anywho, in the evening, we left around 5 and got to canton, ma around 7. another delicious seder meal with the cousin rosses. got home late from there around 2am maybe.
friday 18/04- had the car for the day, but jen ended up being at work and then going home and then out to dinner. was frustrating cause she was never available when i was. :-/ anyways, dont remember what went on in the evening other than discussions but that was it. headed over to jen's around 10ish and stayed there til around 1. gave her her birthday present- a roots handbag and the sam roberts' cd. i think my mom actually started getting me to feel bad about the roots bag because it wasnt as good as the kenneth cole bag they bought as an alternate gift. but i wanted to get her something that she couldnt get here in the states. roots was the only thing i could think of. but john mayer wears roots, so i dont feel so bad.
saturday 19/04- 1215pm bus ride out of hartford back to montreal. got in around 930-10ish. feels great being back although the whole passover meal thing still kinda sucks. anyways, david came over, claire had some hash, and we all watched snl. and then i went to bed cause i was zonked.
sunday 20/04- not much doing today. went grocery shopping for kosher for passover wines, charoses ingredients, eggs, apples, etc etc... i think im set for the rest of the week between eggs, kugel, matzah pizza, and salads. made charoses. met david at cafe depot and we talked a bit, went to watch the simpsons, the canucks game, ten commandments, made some apple kugel and thats about it.
a couple other things jared suggested i comment on:
1. hockey playoffs- series by series:
islanders vs. ottawa- sorry jared, but after habs is the sens in the east. islanders really didnt even have a chance even though they had everyone talking after the first game kill. but i still think ottawa is the east's best shot at the cup. if they can play the way they have and show a little more disciplined grit, they'll get to the finalts.
new jersey vs. boston- the van houtte guy owes me a coffee cause his bruins didnt make it to the finals. haaaa! they didnt even have a chance, even with hackett. we all knew broedur was good. and i wouldnt be surprised if it was new jersey vs. ottawa in the semis.
philadelphia vs. toronto- as a habs fan, i cant rout for toronto unless they're the last canadian team standing, and even then, it depends. nonetheless, for all of the toronto hype of the lines and special teams, im surprised they didnt win already. means that roenick/amonte/chechmanek is doing something right.
tampa bay vs. washington- this is a ridiculous series. neither team is good. i give props to the lightning for winning today and getting rid of the caps, but really other than khabibulin/st. louis/boyle, the lightning have nothing. they wont make the next round.
anaheim vs. detroit- who knew!?! proof that money doesnt buy everything and that a stanley cup in the pocket means nothing if you cant hold it. jiggy was excellent, pulling the jose theodore of this year. he was more credited last year than theodore, but i think he deserves it more. anaheim has some decent people and they could make it to the next round if jiggy holds up.
colorado vs. minnesota- i hope minnesota shapes up because id like to see them go on. ive been pulling for them as an underdog since last year. they're a formidable young team that's doing well for itself against stanley cup champs like sakic/forsberg/roy.
vancouver vs. st. louis- they forced game 7 tonight and the canucks are my western conf. team. i hope they win and if the nasland/bertuzzi/morrison line shapes up its act like it has in the last two games, the canucks will hold on and make the next round. otherwise weight and pronger will get the best of them. also, cloutier needs to be in form on tuesday.
dallas vs. edmonton- you gotta wonder how this even went 6 games. i mean dallas was like number 2 and edmonton was like the worst of the worst. i predicted a dallas-ottawa finals (even though id like vancouver instead) so im thinking that its good they won this round. next round predictions when they're reseeded.
other topic im to talk about is the quebec provincial elections. basically the PQ got massacred, 76-45-4. meaning that its the first liberal government since rene levesque in 76. yikes. basically this puts the sovereignty movement to rest for quite a few years now. and jean charest is the new premier, replacing bernard landry as of april 29. meanwhile, the poor 20% ADQ only got 4 measly seats which is less than the last provinicial election i believe. what a joke. makes you wonder how those ridings elected 4 people in all of quebec. basically thats what the PQ gets for being so hardliner and also thinking they had the campaign in the bag. because they didnt advertise enough to counter the liberals or anything. and the ADQ? they just thought they could win by puttng their name out there. nope. sorry mario (see: asshole of the week).
anyways, this is a long enough update. i should mention im going to field day festival with margaret, her friend dave, and a bunch of their friends. should be awesome. its a two day camping festival, which ive never done. acts featured: radiohead, beck, interpol, royksopp, my morning jacket, beastie boys, sigur ròs, blur, the roots, n.e.r.d., the streets, the music, and particle. those are just some of the acts. fucking amazing lineup. i almost pooped my pants when i saw it. so yeah, im getting stoked about it.
12/04/03(333am)- done and done. what a hellish week. 43 pages of paper writing due today. and a french test today. but i managed to lose sleep, get my sars-resembling cough, and finish it all though. been burnt out and out of touch with reality.
new project flood up. its the official live rane album, multitracked, mixed and mastered. yay. leaving in 2.5 hours on the bus to hartford. should be good times. going home to see jen and the fam for passover. plans are like saturday night: last rane show with trav and kurt, sunday pepes, monday ? tuesday (possibly uconn dinner?) wed seder at home, thurs, seder at benita and michaels, friday ? and leaving early saturday afternoon to come back. got a lot of studying to do. my first final isnt until 2 weeks from now, but ive got work to be done also. anyways, im basically all nightering, but im kinda tired. will i make it til the 6am bus?
07/04/03(1115pm)- i was featured in a documentary on the simulation for a radio class. take a listen.
(345pm)- i wish there was something to say. theres not really. im going home in 5 days. got my peacebuilding paper and quebec history papers left. oh and theres a wesley willis biography movie on friday at parc. going to j5 on the 22nd. habs season ended :-( my hockey paper came out okay. got two new roommates- one from toronto and one from hamden. bought some roots sunglasses for only 15$. thats about it. apologies for things being dull around here.
02/04/03(315am)- ill have to get back in the groove of updating again cause the last couple weeks were extraordinarily busy. who knows if ill get to margaret, or even the sim stuff. basically tonight went out with jessica, et al, to retro night at cafe campus. and yin showed up with a couple of his friends too. so we all danced, that was that. 24, three stooges special. blah blah. and coming down the classes homestretch. oh, and the new radiohead album, hail to the thief, which comes out on june 9, was leaked on the net. its apparently not the final mix, but it sounds fucking amazing. its a 2003 smalrus top ten, thats for sure. these guys are amazing at being able to expand their sound, their texture, not write the same song twice, have an endless supply of new and not repeated material, and still sound unmistakably radiohead. its like a synthesis of pablo honey with amnesiac. fucking amazing. anyways. thats all ive gotta say for now i guess. im gonna go to bed. lemme leave you with the stats that brynen gave us on the sim:
Total number of original email messages sent: 7,555
10% of these were listserv postings, with 178 subscribers
90% of these were regular emails, with an average of 4 recipients per email
total number of emails delivered during the SIM:
(0.10 x 7555 x 178) + (0.90 x 7555 x 4 ) = 161,677 (approx)
That's a new SIM record, folks!
