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31/12/03- Welcome...
somnambulism @ 100%
presenting Smalrus Abstracts Folio 3... ambient grooves
  
31/12/03(1045pm)- fuck the world, fuck 2003, fuck feelings, fuck it all. im ending 2003 by myself. as in no one is in this house. no one has really invited me in on plans. plans fell apart with jen. all ive got is the three stooges marathon. what a crock of bullshit. what a fucking year. i couldnt be more unhappy right now.
(525pm)- my letter to the ji on canadian health care.
and a survey by lars...
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? a&e editor for the tribune. french immersion. living with another family unit for 3 weeks was a first.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? resolutions are a sham
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no
4. Did anyone close to you die? no
5. What countries did you visit? canada. but i dont think that counts as visiting. so nowhere.
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? higher grades and a solid outlook on my future
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? july 16. i think that night spoke for itself. also, margarets visit was cool.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? immersing myself in french. getting editor on the second time around. finding a great girl on the second time around that i love. take second chances and dont let them go. because if you get a second chance, youre lucky.
9. What was your biggest failure? losing that girl, not figuring out what to do with life.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? not really. or atleast nothing "normal."
11. What was the best thing you bought? um, well i had to buy a new laptop so i guess that. but i wish i didnt have to. it cut a chunk into my budget.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? celebration? i dont think i celebrated too much this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? i think thats easy to answer, without a question.
14. Where did most of your money go? cds
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? seeing jen, getting editor for the trib, the release of the new rane albums.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003? "shiver," coldplay
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? well in the beginning of 2003, i started talking to jen, but that this time of year, id say sadder i guess.
ii. thinner or fatter? probably 2-3 pounds heavier?
iii. richer or poorer? poorer. damn laptop.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? work. work all around. more motivating.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? i wish i'd done less nothing.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? it already happened. i didnt do a damn thing all day.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003? yes. and it continued into 2004. i just wish it was more.
23. How many one-night stands? i almost had one, but that stopped short and i guess im glad it didnt happen.
24. What was your favorite TV program? 24.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? i dont believe so.
26. What was the best book you read? michael moore's dude where's my country.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? early radiohead, boy, leaves
28. What did you want and get? love. wow, im so sappy this survey. but its true. i also became fluent in french. yes, if there was 3 big things for 2003, it would be 1. jen. 2. french 3. trib.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? hm. i have no idea to be honest. finding nemo was okay, bad santa was hilarious, elf was funny, last samurai was very well done kurosawa, and return of the king was a good end to the trilogy.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 21, and threw up outside the bar after only a pint. it was sad.
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not "stepping back"
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? more metro, less sexual. or maybe a little of both. the cheap, very cheap quasi-metrosexual.
34. What kept you sane? rane... seriously
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? celebrity status is overrated.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? what political issue didnt stir me?
37. Who did you miss? *sigh* jesus christ
38. Who was the best new person you met? jen. and cheryl. and jenn.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: tis better to have loved and not lost at all than to have loved and lost.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "ill say it loud and clear, ill always be waiting for you...."
(115 pm)- the peeps and pics pages are both updated. 2 new galleries and a couple new peeps faces/pictures. more later...
30/12/03(345 pm)- The top 10 albums of 2003, by Spencer Ross, Arts & Entertainment Editor, McGill Tribune. I welcome comments/feedback, although I'm quite satisfied with my current list.
1. Room on Fire- The Strokes
It took me until almost the end of the year to decide that this was the year's best album. I was minimally a fan of the first album because it sounded very repetative and even the key signatures did not vary from song to song. However, their follow-up album was bold, powerful, punchy, and had some clever guitar hooks.
2. Hail to the Thief- Radiohead
Unfortunately for Radiohead, the leaked copy of this album was not much varied from its final release. However, Thief was an eclectic mix of piano crooning and synthesized guitar riffs that was pure Radiohead fashion. The Oxford lads managed to make the most of their time off to create an album that was 50% The Bends and 50% Kid A.
3. Logic Will Break Your Heart- The Stills
It should be no surprise that if Interpol could be big in 2002, then The Stills should have been bigger in 2003. Logic took to New Order what Interpol did to Joy Division. It paid off. From "Gender Bombs" to "Of Montreal" (where they're from), there are enough dark 80s drum beats to remind us why this music lives on.
4. Breathe- Leaves
Leaves' debut album was supposed to be to Sigur Rós what Coldplay was to Radiohead. I found this to be untrue. Although highly textured and still incorporating acoustic guitar, Leaves sounded more akin to Starsailor and Travis. Their only resemblance to Sigur Rós is that they too, come from Iceland Still, this is one powerful album.
5. O- Damien Rice
There is a reason why Rice won the Shortlist of Music award. The Irish singer was no repeat of Bright Eyes, but was singing with acoustic melodies and heart-straining ballads that were enough to make you cry. (I found Bright Eyes to be the only one in tears to his music.) String accompaniments would sometimes follow and highlight the moods. Try "Cannonball" or "Cold Water" for some rousing times.
6. We Were Born in a Flame- Sam Roberts
Many Canadians are getting sick of Roberts, but that just means that it will be in the not too distant future that his 60s guitar pop rock will be shipped off to the States. From the Harrison-esque "Taj Mahal" to the Stone-ish "Higher Learning," Roberts' album was one that infused the entire 60s rock spectrum into one entity that was withdrawn by pure passion for the music.
7. It Still Moves- My Morning Jacket
If ever there was a band that could take a song, drown it out in reverb, and still sound good, it would be My Morning Jacket. They decided to go major label this year and with a solid live show, don't fail to amuse. MMJ's rock is akin to lots of 70s guitar rock, particularly on tracks such as "One Big Holiday," but are so reverb-enriched, that they sound nothing like they should be. It gives an odd, spacy feeling, which is really best for falling asleep to.
8. Speakerboxx/The Love Below- OutKast
As any press review will say, who knew what the hell these two were thinking when they put this out? Two albums, two styles. But can you really blame Big Boi and André 3000? It's been pretty clear that each has different musical ventures, but how do you reconcile that without splitting up? Easy. Make solo albums, guest appear on each other's albums, and package it as the groups. And when you shake it like the polaroid picture they do, how can you go wrong?
9. Transatlantic- Death Cab for Cutie
I was pleasantly surprised when I found out that DCfC was not as much like Postal Service as I was inclined to believe. In fact, Transatlantic starts off hard hitting, yet on the indie side with the opening track. It continues through there with odd guitar riffs and soulful singing. Sometimes a break is the best way to achieve some good work.
10. Boy - Boy
Unfortunately, not too many people will have the chance to see Boy (Steven Noel & company), unless he's able to hook up with some big names in the business. Coming from Whitehorse, Yukon means that selling albums is not the easiest career venture. However, on his debut album, the 22 year old is easily akin to the Beatles, Badly Drawn Boy, and Pink Floyd in one. The album is pretty much entirely written and played by Noel, which is of great credit to his abilities.
Runners-up: These are the Vistas- The Bad Plus, Up in Flames- Manitoba, 12 Memories- Travis, Rounds- Four Tet, Gone Gone Gone- The New Deal.
(320pm)- writing from south windsor public library. although youd think theyd be tech enough to install a wireless router. so ill have to upload this later. havent been to the library much here since i worked here. just easier to buy the books and read them at my leisure. but again, having wireless here would be ideal. let me recap how the last bit has been...
saturday was the rane show. julian was there and cheryl showed up and left and then allison and her friend shelby came. so that was pretty cool. then there was the clan of drunken rinaldis who were talking the entire show. but the show was real good. solid setlist and tight playing. the cds are pretty excellent too but im doing a quick track by track review on drop. wow, sitting here in the library... really reminds me how quakerish and republican this town is. anyways. after the show we went to dennys for a bit and by then it was 230am and went back home. sunday, i dont know what i did, but in the evening i spent a lot of time making tortellinis for the "from scratch" dinner. christina came over with garden salad, andrew came over with his family meatballs, and margaret made ghirardelli chocolate brownies. and my tortellinis with rosée sauce. really nice dinner, nice to hang out and yeah, my job has been almost no human interation and really monotonous. so...
its been getting me doing a lot of thinking about different things... life, women, careers, etc... we'll start on women. had a long conversation on saturday with jen. ended on a good note. had a long conversation on sunday with jen. ended on a bad note. and so its gone for the entirety of the last 5 months. we're coming up on what would have been a year, and yet we're not closer to solving things. i guess i could say that ive got my own thoughts on that. its hard when you have all the how and whys to your feelings for someone else, but yet you cant justify them. anyways, nothings really been resolved in my head either. just a lot of thinking...
about careers... well what i really want to do is A&R work for a record label. the problem is, a&r is tough to get because a lot of people who want in the industry want that position. but i think its what best suits my talents and my interests (next to music journalism). so i figured why not corporate that with another interest of mine: rane. a couple years back, when rane started tides records, the guys took on everything themselves. but to me, they always seemed to want to expand tides to be incorporative of other bands besides them. the problem is, because they're focused with rane too, tides records doesnt seem to serve any other purpose and i dont think thats what they want. i dont know the tides vision, i dont know the tides business model, but based on things here and there, its seemingly to rane what scifidelity is to the string cheese incident. the problem is, scifidelity has other talents on the label. thus, tides needs to attract more artists, talent development, etc. in a nutshell if tides is going to be scifidelity, they need some a&r guy to expand the label past rane. anyways...
then i was thinking about the 04 elections and how the democrats are going to lose because howard dean is fracturing the party, hes the wrong guy and wont beat bush, and how al sharpton may be the smartest of the bunch: the party needs to come with some platform before they can go willynillying over who theyre going to choose. as a party, there isnt one consistent thing among any of the candidates and everything means they're going to lose the election.
when i was younger and i used to substitute for the ji paper route (speaking of the ji, i had a nice single on canadian health care in the letters section yesterday), i used to ride my bike, walk, whatever... to deliver papers. the only time my mom drove me was when it was raining. but ive noticed a couple of places and paper routes where the mother drives the kid the entire route. what happened to the paper route as a means of responsibility for kids? why does the parent have to do the driving? as dany horovitz would say, "think about it."
and now as the last tuesday and release date of 2003, you're waiting for my top ten albums of 2003.... next entry.
28/12/03(720pm)-
i saw the stars for the first time last night
it was the first time in five months
i thought of you, i thought of the moon
i saw orions belt and the big dipper
the shooting star to make a wish
the moon i see from a far and wondered if you saw it too
im home, and i keep you in mind
i keep you in heart
another shooting star
and i think of things past and things i hope will come
how a split second can change the course of the universe
and how rare those stars are
the cosmos, i havent seen in five months
but i havent forgotten what they look like
the sparkle, the shine, the peace, the furried calm
and i always think of you
im always wondering
usually im looking at the moon out my window
im thinking of you and wondering if youre looking at it too
this night im outside the window and its there
this time, i got to see all the stars
see how they shine for you
and like always, i look anyways
26/12/03(600pm)- ill update in a bit. im actually working on my grammy picks. watching snl marathon/american chopper marathon. going to andrews "party" a little later. didnt do anything yesterday. still trying to figure life out. the 5x7 closet i file in at nissan is great for ruminating thoughts. and im great at ruminating. but atleast im going to the docs on wed, so we'll see what happens with that. suffice to say, tomorrow nite is the rane cds release at cheney hall. so so so so very very very excited. i missed the camelo release on 6.9.00 due to senior reception. that has been touted as the best rane show of all time. so i hope this one is good if not better. knowing rane, this wont be a let down. one more day....
24/12/03(1155pm)- elise is watching "say anything" on fx. its that 80s movie with john cusack and peter gabriel's song "in your eyes." i put it here once. but theres despite the fact that theres many songs that appeal to different feelings, theres few songs that specifically describe the entirety of how i feel. this is one of them...
love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes
love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
(600pm)- christmas eve. whoopdeefuckingdo. we're watching lotr now and gonna see the last one tomorrow. bought the new al franken book. very good but he has a weird writing style. also got a wireless router for here. hate the mall scene. not working at the bank. long story, but maggie was having problems understanding a 400$ cash variation from an offline transaction in july. doing invoice filing at harte nissan to make some extra cash though. went to andrews monday. good to hang out. didnt do anything last night. oh and sunday was uncle alan and auntie gail who came down. that was nice, hadnt seen them in a while. havent seen anyone else from here except andrew (and sarah and john who appeared at main pub) and its already wednesday. one and one half weeks left here and seen no one. but i suppose that is not different in the least from any other time ive come back home.
ive got a lot to say, but not much motivation to type it right now. 8 hours a day in a 7x5 closet has led to lots of thoughts on life, on women, sort of on career... i love her, it aint going to change... *sigh* 3 more days til hope seed. maybe ill get motivated sometime...
21/12/03(305am)- rane show was excellent. plethora of old songs, new songs and almost every cover rane has ever done and then some. im posting my review to drop now and then bed. opus tomorrow.
20/12/03(130pm)- im writing this one from gate 85 in dorval airport. these fuckers changed it all around and now like, you dont even have food near the gate. its horrible. and i cant say that the terminal looks so much nicer than before. they have giant people movers, but who cares. i want some damn food. and an airport (like a food court) should be the last place i have to spend time walking around to find it. suffice to say, when i arrive back on 3 jan, it will be montreal-pierre elliot trudeau airport. 3 years of flying from dorval, now im flying into trudeau. just imagine how many people will still call it dorval. yeah. also, you figure that if they're renovating, theyd do like all the rest of the international airports and put in some wireless internet routers. i honestly believed that id be able to be online at the gate while writing this. no.
thursday sucked. i cant remember why except that it did. probably. then it was a late night and into the exam on friday morning. the exam went okay except that after 2 weeks, i really had no desire to sit in that room for 3 hours writing essays for a pass/fail course. finished that, then was at the office napping and came home to do whatever. it really was whatever, because after i got home, i had no desire to leave the house. and i had to do the laundry. so im going home with some dirty laundry. im still on a fucked up sleep schedule- even after not much sleep, i only fell asleep around 5am. got up this am at 1030 and right now im at the airport.
the year's coming to a close and that means ive got to do my top albums of 2003 list as well as mini year in review. in a nutshell, i started the year on a so-so note, it went extremely high for the first half, then really low for the second half, and now back to so-so. im looking forward to the rane concert tonight. cheryl might go, andrew will show for a bit, and angela might go too. and anyone else is invited, but no one generally comes so... jen's gone for the weekend so i dont know when ill see her. i dont know what else is doing. i wanted to go to gallimard this am and get my french books to read for my lit class next year, but i woke up too late to have time. books we're reading are Balzac's Eugenie Grandet, Flaubert's L'education Sentimentale, Zola's Au Bonheur des Dames, and Proust's Du Côté de Chez Swann. one more hour til my flight leaves. i think im out for now...
18/12/03(100pm)- finally. some snow up in these parts. going ons of the last couple days. tuesday i did a lord of the rings marathon here at home since the theatre was full. and then me and dany went to the 1201am showing of return of the king. well worth the other 7.5 hours. the sequence with the giant spider was what really got the movie going for me and from there on, it was fantastic. deserves all the accolades its getting. then after that, we were gonna do an all-nighter since ive been needing to get on a better sleep schedule again. so we were wandering around ste. cat's looking for a place to eat. but it was 350am and most places close at 4.
finally we hit a 24h mcdonalds. but when i went to ask for a poutine, the guy said they finished. which blew my mind. how do you "finish" the poutine? what, did you eat it all? did it fall on the ground? youre a 24 hour mcdonalds, how does the poutine get finished? so we left there, went to frite alors cause when i reviewed them for my trib article, they said they closed at 5am. it was 430 and they were closed, liars. so finally we kept going up st. laurent and saw sara's was open and the guy let us eat. so for about an hour and a half, we discussed shortcomings of this year's trib. highly engaging conversation. but finally the all-nighter idea was wearing thin for me, so i went back home to take a nap.
yesterday was some lengthy conversations at both ends of the day about break and right now it looks like life is up in the air. as someone once said, such is the flavour of youth. ive been thinking about this quote from the first LOTR though,
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given you.
call me a pessimistic hopeful. on the whole though, im kinda worried about how the break will turn out. one of last nights conversations was "whats it like being in love" and the only thing i could thing to answer is that love is your greatest and most powerful feeling and emotion. its also what makes you most vulnerable to everything. such is love, such is life.
ill end this entry on a higher note (if you could call it that, i guess)... here's how break is shaping up (besides sbm not having any room for me to work there :-( )
saturday-12.20- 417pm arrival at bradley, 10pm rane holiday show at main pub
sunday-12.21- uncle alan and auntie gail & co. are visiting
wed/thu-12.24-5- that whole christmas thing
sat-12.27- rane cd release party at cheney hall
sun-12.28- i thought there was talk of fran and daves and pepes?
wed-12.31- drs appt, new years eve
thu-01.01- doing nothing for new years because i somehow always have fairly lame new years
sat-01.03- flight back here at like 12 something.
somewhere in there im supposed to see andrew, jen, have a homemade gourmet meal with margaret, continue figuring out what i want to do with my life, bitch about how americans dont care enough about hockey but to show one shitty game a week on espn... oh and the last part- figure out how im handling this months opus, not being in montreal. there will be one though, mark my words...
17/12/03(1200am)- happy anniversary to the airplane. i will be flying you home in 3 days... *sigh*
15/12/03(1230am)- just finished watching bruce almighty. very interesting. about prayers, about free will, about love... the ending was what really had me though... when she prays that she loves him so much but she doesnt want to hurt anymore. and then he asks G-d if he can find someone for her that will love her as much and make her happy. and G-d sends bruce back to her because bruce is that person. yeah, it had me thinking alright.... 5 more days...
14/12/03(430pm)- anton wants to be a wedding photographer between his bachelors degree and grad school. to "watch the chaos unfold as an objective third party...get paid to be entertained by other people's misery..." go anton! congratulations on your new career.
(145pm)- woke up to a voice mail from seth talking about the capture of saddam hussein. problems i have with it:
1. WMD- this was the cause for us military involvement in iraq. 1 year and 3 months later, these weapons have yet to be found. traces of these weapons have yet to be found. and as the us government has been discussion reconstruction contracts, countries who were not part of the "coalition of the willing" were excluded. i believe "willing" was defined as willing to eliminate the WMD. well we never found WMD. perhaps there was something george bush knew that the rest of the world didnt? oh wait, the US has the WMD. by the way, whatever happened to osama bin laden...
2. Why didn't Saddam kill himself first- i'm no psychologist, im no saddam biographer. but like most of these types of people, it would have seemed more logical to me that saddam would have taken his own life rather than allowed himself to be captured. not only would it have been more "honourable," but it would have seemed to be more "leaderlike" and demonstrating to the people that still are loyal to him.
3. Was Saddam responsible for insurgencies against Americans?- i know he was found with 750,000$ on him in his little "spiderhole" (as cnn is calling it), but how the hell does someone run insurgencies from a 6-8 foot hole? what is the us government thinking? can people not be responsible for their own actions; does it have to be run by someone else?
4. Why will Saddam be tried under an international court?- when you consider that the US refused to join into the International Criminal Court, how can it possibly say that it will hold a fair trial in iraq? also, people are maybe speculating trial overseas, or not? how can you possibly think that!?!? i understand the irony in giving justice to someone who denied others justice, but his crimes existed in iraq, why would he be brought anywhere else?
5. What does this mean for the elections?- an excellent political tactic for bush. find saddam, ignore the WMD, ignore the fact that osama bin laden has yet to be found. how can you go wrong? what are democrats supposed to say to that? its a sham to make us think that this wasnt for personal vengeance for the assassination attempt against his father. sham(e) on you mr. bush.
13/12/03(515pm)- not much going on here. went out for lynnes bday yesterday. got a haircut today. read margarets essay on taiwan-china cross-strait relations, talked to her about doing a salsa/pasta/latke/chocolate cake dinner sometime over break. that would be cool. yay friends! anywho, thats about it for now. also, did a new survey. more as it comes....
12/12/03(315am)- been on a weird sleep schedule. having trouble getting off it. the track listing for the new rane releases is out. as a result, ive updated my entire rane lyrics compendium accordingly. saw last samurai last night. excellent movie in samurai tradition ****. the only thing was that there was too many epic battle scenes. but it did ring of kurosawa. went to davids for dinner tonight. other than that, not much else goin on here. countin the days til i go home. we shall see yet if home is worth while. far as i know it, the rane release is looking good, but i cant even go back to the bank to work. explain that one.... i wish my name was mcgarricle. that would be cool. tomorrow is the first day of paul martins regime. bye bye jean chretien, we'll miss you. thats it, enough for tonight...
09/12/03(435pm)- the news of a rane release only gets better. atleast theres some sunny side to december...
Everyone's invited to the 2003 Tides Holiday Party:
Saturday, Dec. 20 @ The Main Pub in Manchester, CT
21+, 10pm, no cover
2 sets from rane, plus special guests
Visit www.mainpub.com for directions, etc.
We hope to have some tunes from the new albums to pass out to get everyone amped for the big CD Release @ Cheney Hall on 12/27.
there we have it... while other parts of life might be shitty, atleast tides always has some good news for my arrival back to CT. i get in at 417 pm that day and so it means i can chill with the fam for a little bit, have dinner and then go to the show. hopefully ct people might come (seeing as to how uconn will already be done with exams), come have a beer or so, chill with me and get my winter break started proper. yeah.
08/12/03(1045pm)- doing a pretty good job of not going out of the house. watched tommy boy, half of black sheep and i might watch bowling for columbine later. pissed and upset (common theme approaching december 20- thought i was optimistic until the last couple days has me pessimistic). 19 days til the hope seed release. atleast i know something will go right with this break (they better not be shitting and not have it out then). maybe ill go see the last samurai tomorrow. and rent the seven samurai. that was a great flick.
(515pm)- lets see, saturday night was open mic. i was the only guy performer. i played radioheads "fake plastic trees," u2s "where the streets have no name" and ranes "sounds of sleep" and "rain." was pretty decent although i made a couple of music booboos. but it was for a good cause, so i was happy to do it even though i was a little nervous. not much happened in the evening. not much happened yesterday either because my next exam isnt til the 19th. so im kinda relaxing while doing work. well, i havent started the work part yet, but im going to CAPS this week to figure out what i want to be when i grow up. and also, oh, i cleaned the entire apartment yesterday. its really really clean and nice. and theres 12 days til i go back to CT and im looking forward to it i guess as much as im not because i know theres not really gonna be any resolution and the outcome of everythings gonna be... i dunno. anyways, todays movie watching, maybe doing some pleasure reading... *sigh*... need some new rane mp3s.
06/12/03(405pm)- i cant even believe that shit.
arisco went alright. wrote about the ineffectiveness of the un, the parallels between peace and conflict, and linkages in the accords from madrid to wye. 3 essays in 3 hours. after that, came home and cleaned up the house a bit for the trib office party. was a nice dinner, we had a lot of liquor, everyone ended up going to vol and we watched jay and silent bob. now its practicing for tonights open mic (little nervous) and then heading to it in a matter of hours.... *eep!* wish me luck....
04/12/03(1150pm)- well this would be the third time ive tried to update my site and the server's failed to let me in. sonofabitch.
im here at the office by myself studying for ARab ISraeli COnflict (ARISCO as i like to call it) exam tomorrow at 2pm. its nice to have an office to escape to where everyone else isnt. its basically just like, synthesis of ideas, the ARISCO final. maybe ill sleep here in the office, afterall, we have these nice couches and whatnot. and the exam isnt til 2 and ill already be on campus.
then tomorrow night is the trib office dinner/staff party at my house. then saturday night is the v-day benefit gig. im looking forward to it since its my third time performing in front of people. the first time, i got my family and like 2 other eople to go. the second time, i think only one person came to see me. but this time, i seemingly have friends who are actually interested in showing up at something im doing. which is exciting to get support. and, its for a good cause too. right now ive got rane, u2, sam roberts, and wilco. maybe if ive got time, ill figure another song. anyways, ive programmed drum tracks for those four songs and they sound decent, so im looking forward to it all.
i should get back to studying but i miss her, i dont know what to say. 16 more days... *sigh* im not letting go of anything.
I'm not a poet
And I know it
There is no deep secret
Tossing inside me
I have no timing
I can't form my feelings
Sometimes I rhyme
Sometimes I don't
So go ahead, take a look at my kitchen
Take a look at the woodgrain there
What's it for? That hardwood floor
Is where I'm walkin' and thinkin'
Walkin' and thinkin'
About you
~wilco
03/12/03(830pm)-
in zeros and ones i feel your warmth
and although i cannot see you
you live in my heart
its not the same as it ever was
but time-tested my faith remains
i look at street signs in foreign languages
and people romancing about the frigid winter weather
and i know youd rather be somewhere warm like the the bahamas
or a 500$ plane ticket to hawaii
sputtering words that make no sense to you
like speaking in tongues, i do
brought forth by a faith in something divine
beauty? soul? passion?
the further i am, the closer i want to be
to understanding lifes lessons of you and me
i wonder whether you still care
whether i remain inside of you
still
like a shadow in moonlight's glow
still
like i wait through the pain
but a mere blip on time's radar
i pine, i struggle, i complain
and yet, this echo of you i cant let go. i never can. and i never will.
02/12/03(530pm)- not much doing here right now. got some errands i need to be running tomorrow. cant think of much else to say right now other than i made a new friend in england through the website, which is pretty cool and always fun to get 'fanmail.' tonight is a new 24 and im cooking also and maybe ill do some poetry writing and studying for fridays exam and practicing for the gig. not too much longer til holiday, but im looking forward. i think...
01/12/03(150am)- december already.... was a nice long, but relaxing weekend here with the family. im really glad they came. its really the first time theyve come to visit other than the twice a year pickup/dropoff/15 hour visits. yesterday while i was doing some editing stuff, they went shopping and then we met up, went over some stuff and mom and elise were to go to the players' theatre play while dad and i were gonna get scalped tix to the habs game. well, i got us 2 tix in the ex zone for 50$ and impressed dad (since i got them for face value from a scalper). the game was a so-so game and the crowd was so-so too, but as the game went on, the play got better and so did the crowd. so it was exciting for me to take him to a montreal game, right here in montreal. i mean its not the old forum, but c'est la vie.
after that, we went back to the hotel where mom and elise were since they didnt go to the game, and then elise came back here to the apt with me. finally everyone came over and 9 of us headed out to bar ste. elizabeths and i bought elise a pint of boreale and lauren bought her a kamikaze and smirnoff ice and jessica bought her a kamikaze too. so it was nice to bring her out with all of us and show her what really goes on here and i think she enjoyed herself too and just was part of the conversation like everyone else. which was really nice and im proud of her. she slept over here at the apt and then we woke up and headed to chez coras for breakfast. breakfast was nice (a change from taking them to place milton) and then we headed back to the hotel, got the car over here, loaded up a couple boxes and they took off. i basically went back to the office for some editing stuff before finally meeting seth debbie and lauren at amc for bad santa. the movie was downright hilarious. we were all in hysterics and it was a good way to end the weekend. this week, last classes and finishing up for finals which start on friday. hopefully its not too hectic a week. and then, only 19 days til im back in ct...and a couple of couplets i was feeling this afternoon...
i dialed the phone but you just werent there
couldnt see the smile on your face that you wear
feelings of loneliness squeeze out a tear
my head conjures visions of holding you near....
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