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29/02/04- Welcome...
Cat Stevens
presenting Smalrus Abstracts Folio 4... The Hope Seed/From the Vine vols. 1 and 2
  
29/02/04(315pm)- no need to go into the office today. good call. by the way, i was almost falling asleep on my bed when i heard the start of franz ferdinand's video for "take me out" on musiqueplus. between that and the new full window promo poster in hmv, ive predicted something big this side of the atlantic, for the record. if only that fucking show wasnt sold out, id wiN?
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(1150am)- its a leap day. huzzah. since production date is actually tuesday this week, im trying to figure out if i need to be into the office to read sets today or tomorrow. i suppose theres no harm in both? anyways, yesterday was one of the most decent days of this break. first off, i woke up did some stuff, then ended up having a conversation with my dad about some of the stuff i talked about here on the passion. which was fairly interesting debate especially since i never know that hes reading so i assume otherwise... *shrug* anyways, then i was around the apartment, watching some tv and dany came around 6ish. he got tickets again from his uncle to the habs-hurricanes game. so we ended up going. the tickets this time were even better, just left of centre ice on the bench side, in the reds, 95$ tickets for free. or as dany puts it, better seats, the same amount of action. :-p anyways, the game actually was a snorer until we won 1-0 in overtime. considering we outshot like 31-18, it should have been a better game. after that, we went to bellepro's for some food and then hung around chapters until david and lauren called. it was the last night of the montreal high lights festival and there was stuff going on downtown all night. so we went to city hall around 11 and they were doing dancing. then there was the 1130-1230 quebecois dancing. and that was fun. i decided to get in on it and man, it was like being back in class in chicoutimi. complete complete blast. after that we headed towards home and stopped by the free all night party at club soda. some good dancing and then we left again. at that point it was like 3am so we were kinda wiped. and now im watching the mclaughlin group. i love love love this show. best political punditry show. and since its on, its time to watch... more later...
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28/02/04(300am)- im on a weird sleep schedule. i was up til 6am trying to finish up my features peace on cyberpersonas/addiction. the rest of thursday was a dud otherwise. or atleast up until the usual fight where i know nothing, she knows nothing, and then somebody has to leave. and then im chasing through away messages and aim profiles in order to figure out whats going on in her life. the break isnt over til monday, but i have a feeling that the way its consistently gone, the negativity factor can only continue working against me until the very end. i mean, lifes too short to be miserable, but who defines to whom what brings misery?
sartre said hell is other people. to an extent, he's correct. we bring misery to ourselves by internalising (which, lord knows im very good at doing), but what do we internalise but the actions and words of others'. stimulus and response. its just that looking back at the previous year's journal entries, to see how im reflected then versus how im reflected now, its very aboutface. and yet im certain without a doubt that if the situation either hadn't changed, or was different from what it is now, that the last 6-7 months of reflections would not have turned out so negatively. is it really stupid to hang on to a feeling that you know wont leave, but wont get you anywhere? when the conversations always turn the same because you're focused on whats in your heart and not whats in your head? maybe so. maybe im stupid for looking back on such great times and wondering why they went out the window, why we are but a shadow of ephemeralism in the autobiographies of others. or how ive been writing my opus and hoping she would be here for a movement, with me, but the more she fails to understand me, the bleaker that prospect becomes. when do you become the shadow of someones life...?
today i went to interview alan doyle, singer of great big sea. that was fun, he was a pretty cool guy to interview and i got the cd for free from them and also a pint of newcastle. that could be one of my new favourite ales i think. went to the office pretty much for the sole purpose of taking a nap :-p and then tonight was tonight. went to depot briefly and um that was about it?
it was 365 days ago right at this hour, i was just falling asleep from one of the greatest nights of my life. right now at this hour, shes sleeping at someone elses with me being the furthest thing from her mind. funny how all that shit ends up in the details...
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25/02/04(345pm)- my review is up for the passion of the christ.
i guess after a week, she finally got the teitur cd... now if only she listens to the lyrics, or is it just another cd in the pile...
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(125am)- im going to write a full smalrus.com review tomorrow on the passion of the christ. i give it 2.5/5 stars. it was very interesting movie. not much else going on but the apartment is meticulously clean. also, one year ago today, i was on an airplane to connecticut... *sigh* i wish it never changed, that was one of the best days of my life...
this is not my review, but some commentary that i probably am not getting in my review:
i went and saw it and on the subject of anti-semitism, i was mixed. there was blame placed on all sides. the one thing that they neglected to mention was that the clerics that wanted jesus punished were a different sect of judaism in and of themselves, but on the other hand, the catholic church did not renouce the blood libel until the 1960s. meaning until 40 years ago, people still believed the teachings of the church that it was the fault of the jews. blood libel is one of the key aspects of anti-semitism as well. meaning what, people over 60 were raised on the blood libel too? i dunno, it just doesnt jive for me
blood libel is the belief that it was the fault of the jews for jesus' death. that the jews set him up to die at the hands of the romans, the jews sold him out, the jews pushed for him to die, the jews put him on the cross, and the jews crucified him. the fact of the matter was, the jews were being crucified themselves for the same reasons. but the jews killing jesus is the blood libel that has existed for more than 10 centuries, when its pretty much been historically grounded that that couldnt have been true, based upon accounts of josephus, pilates, and a bunch of other writings of the time that historians have looked at
jesus believed that he was the son of god. and through the miracles, he convinced certain people that this was true. however, this went against the teachings of judaism, particularly those which pertained from the messiah. for instance, the bible says that armageddon was to bring about the coming of the messiah from the north into jerusalem. armageddon was supposed to be the final battle of good and evil, taking place in the jezreel valley, and the messiah was to come to put an end to it all and peace would reign. the messiah was also to rebuild the temple, which herod destroyed in 70CE. i could go on and on about the messianic qualifications which jesus did not fulfill.
however, in times of crisis, people always look for someone to turn to, someone to believe in. and in the time of roman persecution, jesus offered just that to his followers who saw his "miracles" and "believed." to the majority of the jews, they just saw jesus as a lunatic and a nut like anyone else. it was the pharisees (the sect in the movie) that wanted him out because he was a disruption and a blasphemer to the teachings of traditional judaism. he claimed he was the messiah when he didnt do anything the messiah was supposed to do, and thus, he was seen as the threat to judaism. but like i said, to the majority, he was a nut that no one really even cared about. this is why it took several centuries before christianity as a religion caught on... it was through the teachings of the disciples that it propagated itself. early christians were persecuted by the romans as well, but they christianity as a faith didnt take off really until the byzantine empire and found it and started to exploit it. that was more the start of modern christianity.
but back to jesus, the dead sea scrolls were written not too long after the dead sea scrolls by a messianic cult living in western israel called the essenes. the dead sea scrolls, one of the oldest documents in the world, predicted a messiah as well, however they did not predict it was jesus. and unlike the new testament, which was written centuries after jesus' death, the dead sea scrolls contains the oldest portions of the torah, written in the same hebrew as it is today, confirming that the torah that is being taught today in hebrew is the same torah being taught atleast 2000 years ago, if not longer.
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24/02/04(635pm)-uniter not a divider? george bush, go to hell. leave your (pseudo)bible toting bullshit at the door when you go around trying to work on constitutional amendments during an election year. while youre at it, why not call up mel gibson and tell him that the jews killed christ. you right-wing conservative bastard. oh wait, how bout finding osama bin laden. oh wait, youre busy trying to get gays and lesbians not to marry rather than protection and national security. if this year doesnt turn out record voter turn out in a presidential election, then hope for american might as well be lost.
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(325pm)- now that i think about it, we're less than a month away from red and white. i still have no date. jen doesnt want to come up and wont go, katie is going with james, my life is lame. seth and david wont let me not go to it, but i dont have a fucking date. shows what they know.
which brings me to the past couple of days. sunday was fucking lame. and then david came over and hung out for a while. we were going to go to sala rossa to see franz ferdinand. i emailed franz ferdinand twice about getting on press list and they didnt even get back to me (i had to sleuth for AN email address because there is no contact info at all for anyone including the label on their website). and then i showed up at sala rossa and about two people before us, they said it was sold out. so i waited in line and flashed my business card and the woman was being a bitch about it on this huge powertrip, saying i should have contacted them in advance (yeah, since when do the venues put you on press list, plus i was there in person, that was better than on the phone). so then i tried to say that i would pay for us to be put on the press list if we could just get in. you dont understand, getting to see franz ferdinand in a tiny club in montreal before they take off here in north america was supposed to be the highlight of my entire break and they blew it for me because they couldnt get back to me and then the sala rossa people wouldnt even take a bribe. not only that, but i was hoping to weasle my way backstage afterwards to get an exclusive interview.
anyways, i wish i was there, i wish i could make heads roll on that one because i predict that after their album is released in north america, they will take off like the strokes and the hives. and quite frankly, i wanted to be on top of that. but alas, i ended up having to walk away dejected and shoot pool at some pretty crappy room, and then get coffee at cafe depot. oh, and heres the kicker: just before i probably would have lost my temper, she was like "well, the gossip isnt sold out at cafe campus." and i muttered loudly, back turned, "well i didnt come all the way up here to go see the gossip, did i now?"
so that fucking sucked big time. like on top of toronto not happening, that fucking bombed too.
yesterday i cleaned the entire house minus the bathrooms which ill eventually get to. laura came over for dinner last night, we mainly watched some late night tv and then james bond before she started getting a migraine and went home. roommate jen also came home last night from a weekend in toronto, but shes like never around anyways, so basically im back to being by myself all week. to top it off, i could make a list of people from CT whom i was hoping would visit before i leave montreal that wont be coming up. add that to me being already ticked off, and im more ticked off. im going to go, im pretty ticked off....
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22/02/04(1215pm)- ralph nader is running again. prediction: its either going to make less of a difference or more of a difference than last time. if anything, the last election will probably show a shock back to either strict two-partyism, or the first time a third-party will actually be a threatening contender. we know what nader did to gore, but we know what nader did for bush. this is a new election and people dont want bush back. if anything nader will hurt bush this time. the political buzzword of the day: outsourcing.
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(520am)- talk about the habs-leafs later. for now, ive posted the newest movement to my opus. and it was a good opus writing experience. starting to think that writing has to be my career. anyways, and then there was davids party to talk about. yeah...
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21/02/04(445pm)- whats going on? not much. just read the entire sartori book and had 9 pages of giving him an ass-reaming because it was so bad what he was saying. i couldnt believe i could write 9 pages about something like that... and i didnt even get to use any outside sources to make my points. and that evening, i found out that my parents wouldnt help me out in getting a train ticket to toronto. so that was why i was livid that night. i really needed a vacation from montreal and from CT and without their support, it meant that either i went to CT and was miserable at home all week, or stayed in montreal by myself in this apartment for a week and was miserable. well here i am, stuck in montreal for an entire week alone and miserable. so dont expect the updates of the next week to be that exciting. after all, with lack of human interaction, theres not much to talk about. unless theres something newsworthy, but thats unlikely. davids having a party tonight and tomorrow is franz ferdinand. thats about all i have to say right now, i suppose theres more as it comes... someone send me a survey or something, those are always fun.
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18/02/04(1125pm)- youd probably say that im a good writer right? that composing thoughts and ideas and figuring out the right and best way to convey them using words is one of my few personal fortes right?
i cant come up with any words to describe how fucking furious i am now...
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(340pm)- i am ENFP. find out more here.
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(1215pm)- for those of you confused about the aus constitution thing, smalrus.com is hosting the pdf files for the AUS constitution referendum while the ausmcgill.com website redirects you to elections mcgill for election period. but the elections end tomorrow, so then ill be able to take it down. this new message board seems to be going pretty well, giving all my friends to interact about me :-D although people need to learn how to create new threads about different subjects. anyways, yeah elise is gone and yeah i miss having her here. anyways, after a pretty kickass a&e section this week and a good off the board of which i enjoyed writing, yesterday went alright i suppose. not much happened other than an excellent excellent 24 (one of the season's best?) and the habs dropping a fourth straight >-O and then theres the whole canadian idol issue, which we'll see. still no clue whats going on with red and white even though tickets went on sale monday and i still have no date :( still wish i knew how to block those ips... but today, ive got a lot of work to do, reading sartori's comaparative constitutional engineering and writing my 8 page book review on it. it'll be alright though. yeah. on to that i guess...
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16/02/04(515pm)- just saw elise's taxi off to the airport. even though she was only here for like 46 hours, i really enjoyed her being here. i love my sister, even though she thinks im conspiring against her sometimes. and im going to miss her being here. alas, im back on my own alone again :-( and thus, onto edboard, which im late for, but as laura puts it, it will be weird anyways. elise come back to montreal :-(
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(150am)- you ever get the feeling you wish you could block ip addresses from accessing your site? as though the only way they communicate with you is by hitting your site to let you know they read it? and then the silence becomes deafening as you look at your wall and they're staring you down and laughing at you in your face...
i need an isic card. i need to get out of this place. my trip to toronto- i need to cut myself off from anyone and everyone i know (nick excluded since im staying with him). not so much finding myself and having a vacation so much as escaping from here, from connecticut, and all the bullshit that drags its way through both places. sometimes its hard to give up when the situation is futile. is it really success when other people claim thats what you have, or is it only success when you feel its successful? example, someone looks for a job. is it successful that they get a job, or is it successful that they got the job they wanted? and is personal success more important than externally perceived success? i was asked a similar question yesterday- is a relationship a success for all the good times, or a failure for it having ended? well if the good times (success) is a means to the end (failure), do you view it all as successful? and does it matter when others view your failure as a means of success? if you cant find contentment for yourself, who can you find it for? if its fun while it lasted, who said it couldnt last and still be fun? if i find a job i hate, will someone think im successful for having a job even if i think its horrible? and does it matter that someone else thinks im successful for getting a job if i feel i failed at getting the job i really wanted? and the end result is, why bother to set yourself up for failure when you aspire for personal success. success and failure- maybe the means dont always justify the ends.
enough philosophy tonight, i go to bed. and then maybe work on figuring out this ip addresses problem.
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15/02/04(1135pm)- well, i think i might just stop with the comments and just have people start using the message board instead. its interactive and all that. and unlike the comments, i can retain control of the board on my own server- something id rather do since i hate relying on other servers like bloggers and all that shit.
yesterday was alright but i suppose it could have been a lot better. ive really been digging this teitur cd. um, elise showed up last night on time pretty much. it was good. we went out for dinner at frite alors and then met dany and his friend james went with allison to le swimming to see burt neilson band. i saw them 2 years ago and they split and then got back together. good music. um, afterthat we came back. woke up this morning to go ice skating with david and little rachel. that was fun although my camera fucking crapped again and then they yelled at us for playing hockey. but we skated an hour and then met up with seth and lauren back here to go to schwartz's. mmmmmmmm smoked meat sandwiches. nothing like going to the pepe's of smoked meat. and very full. after that was straight to the office. basically i unfortunately left elise bored for 4 1/2 hrs while i did set reads and whatnot and then yeah that was it. we went out to dinner at thursdays with katie. the waiter hit on me once, but hit on katie 3 times. hahahahahaha (shes gonna love that i mentioned her name, so im not worried). 40$ spent on a 6pc shrimp cocktail, an onion soup, and a caesar salad. :-S anyways, now we're hanging out here and probably going to sleep soon and then tomorrow go to chez cora for breakfast and then take elise to class and the likes. im glad she came up here. i like seeing familiar faces here. just a little less wistful for it. speaking of wist, i managed to get turned down for red and white a second time. really trying to figure out how the hell two people wont go to my graduation ball with me. seth was having a talk with me about all this but come on. i mean, get turned down twice and the esteem levels are supposed to go up as a result of that? maybe its not the end of the world, but i dunno. it doesnt help me be happy, thats for damn sure. im going to bed.
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14/02/04(630pm)- im waiting for elise. in the meantime, ive coded a new message board, feel free to use it.
(310am)- responses to laura's survey questions....
i should be sleeping but instead im doing this and the nytimes xword for tomorrow. also, im in a rather pissy mood so like any survey type thing, my answers become reflective of the mood im in...
1- If you could be any single age for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
i would be 35 i think? well let me put it this way- its relative to the live ive led. i was socially maladjusted up until high school. complete geek. i had no friends. none. and so my youth was often spent amusing myself with many hours of television or goofing around with my sister (if you want to meet her, we're going to le swimming tomorrow). i figure if you get too old, you cant truly enjoy life. and the life im leading now in my early 20s is turning out to be sucky. i figure by 35, ill have figured out enough things about life to live it. hopefully ill be married. hopefully ill have children. hopefully ill have a successful career of sorts. its a lot to ask for in 14 years, but maybe things at 35 come together just slightly more coherently than 21.
2- Name two things you wish you could do, but currently can't.
a) i wish i could find someone that i could give attention to and would not only absorb that attention, but would reciprocate it in kind. i wish i could be interested in someone who, for once, was interested in me in return. b) i wish i could backpack scandinavia and western/central europe. its a stretch, because i have no money and going to europe means spending money, and simultaneously not making any. i need a vacation. a vacation from school and a vacation from home.
3- What is the best ever feeling in the world?
not being alone. now, everyone has fear of being alone, but i think i have it at some disturbing level in which i can attach myself to anyone rather quickly in hopes that i can convince him or her to stick around with me. its hard for me to take the starting risk, but once i do, my autophobia takes over and theres no stopping me from talking and divulging everything about me. thus when i find someone that makes me feel special, i cant help but want to return it back and doing so is the best feeling for me. i love to give of myself.
4- What is the one thing you would change about your personality?
i would change my obsessiveness. a lot of times, its easy for me to get an idea and go into it full steam and then find myself waning. and it shows through in my personality. for instance, i went to the gym every other day for 5 days and by then i havent been back to the gym in 3 days. so what happened there? its easy for me to get really excited about something for the initial phase and then it goes. the only time that doesnt happen is with people i like. because then theres always something new to discover. but if there isnt that newness, then im out.
5- What is the one thing you would change about your looks?
i wish my form was a little better in shape and also i wish i was a couple inches taller. but the latter one i have to chalk up to genetics.
6- What is the best thing about your personality, in your own opinion?
the extroverted half of me. im not a big risk taker by any means. im not assertive, im rather passive. im not one who is good at being the leader nor one who is good at making the first moves. however, once im past that, im extraordinarily willing to talk about myself and share my opinions on everything at great length. maybe its a flaw of mine, that i keep nothing secret of myself, but i guess it goes back to my autophobia- subconsciously i think that the more people know about me, the more maybe they'll stick with me?
7- Two things you want to do before you hit 30?
a) i want to have the love of my life. she exists out there now, and although i've thought ive found her, only time (and lots of it) will really tell. b) i want to have a steady career. one where i know that im not going from job to job, or worried about job stability. i guess thats the one thing i look for most in life next to not being alone. although not being alone is part of stability. but stability in life is something i always look for. and being that im always feeling in flux, i think that relationships and career are two things that i really will seek stability in before im 30
8- Between the ages of 5 and 10, where did you live?
between the ages of 5 and 10, i lived in south windsor, ct, usa. it's a suburb about 20 minutes from downtown hartford, the state capital. there is nothing to do there other than go to dennys. really.
9- If you could ask one person in the world one question, whom would you ask, and what?
i cant really think of an answer for this and im not going to make it cheesy like jesus or hitler or gandhi or bill clinton. so ill answer with this: i would ask my parents, "why?" why am i here?
10- Give me an opinion you have, on anything, as long as it is a strong opinion on an issue that matters to you.
again, another question where i will deviate from the normal answer of something involving social change, religion, or any other subject matter of politics. my opinion is on music. music makes the world go round. look at the bands you or i listen to. they're from the us, they're from iceland, they're from scotland, they're from the faroe islands, theyre from france, theyre from everywhere... the interesting thing about music is that it is all mathematically based, which is why we all feel rhythms. and i think the result is that so long as mankind has the capacity to use hearing as a 5th sesnse, music will forever be important to us as a culture, to our history, and to our species. break music down into two components if need be: the lyrics and the music. lyrics are the verbal expression of thoughts. i view them as different from poems in their context. i think they acccompany the music differently than just being read as a poem. and we're talking pop ballads of bon jovi to the abstract of radiohead. then there is the music, which is the ability for one to use an instrument as a means of communication. there is a proficiency and a skill required to emote in music. and most all secular music has been the result of emotions and even sacred music is the passion of G-d. the fact of the matter is, music should never die and music will never die. mankind survives on it.
13/02/04(310pm)- playing some catch up again, the final hope seed morph is obviously up. ill give that a couple days and then start with from the vine volume 1. i cant quite remember what i did wednesday or thursday other than classes. and then today i had an exam in history of the french language. actually, it went pretty smoothly and i think i did better than i thought i would. habs lost again last night. i wrote my off the board, which i think turned out pretty nicely, even though i have to write my other features article yet :-S i thought i ran out of music, but the franz ferdinand cd and the teitur cds are very good. but i guess thats all ive found. um, yeah today was my french test, last night contained some "weird" (as laura likes to say, "Weirdness is about something love-related or sex-related. When we use the word 'weird', we are keeping you out of our sex lives and our love lives, as well we should.") but who knows. i still have the whole "weird" matter of red and white. and then theres the general feeling of "weirdness" ive been having lately about everything all around. and not to drive a point home about how "odd" my life is these days, but its almost time for a "weird" edboard. or maybe my life is so weird that it isnt weird. *shrug* who knows...
tonight everyone is going to the smyle auction but me. namely because virtually everyone i know will be there, making for a weird evening, so i decided to skip that and either do some work (unlikely tonight) or see the jazz show i need to see for my concert review for monday. tomorrow is valentines day and i like valentines day because its like, the kind of person i am. its the one day out of the year where things i would do on any other day are actually considered socially acceptable. but who knows what ill do or what ill say tomorrow and to whom ill do/say these things to to make a fool out of myself nonetheless and create 1000 times more weirdness. but valentines day sucks when you dont have anyone or cant be with the person you want to be with. last years was my best one, being "with" someone i cared about, and being with someone i cared about. *sigh* elise is coming in around 7 and im really really looking forward to that, maybe we'll go out for dinner and then see burt neilson band at le swimming or something like that. i guess thats one of the good things about her visit- atleast her being here means cant mess up valentines evening too much. although... theres always time during the day. but i digress. and following digression, im hungry, i havent eaten yet today. more later...
11/02/04(1225am)- just came back from pistol with david and rachel and little rachel briefly. it was just kinda weird. it put the end of my weird day in a weird emotional mood. got the new robert randolph cd. its amazing. um, thats about all ive gotta say for today. i ran into van de leuv and we ended up going to lunch which was cool cause i hadnt seen him like, all year. so we caught up a little, then i went to hmv and spent 45 min finding nothing. it was just weird all around. and then to top it off, ive finished off the ice cream sandwiches. who knows what tomorrow will be like :-/
09/02/04(635pm)- lets randomly catch up because im kinda pooped. gym's been doing that to me. went to the gym saturday morning, went to the gym this morning. 1/2 hr jog and 1/2 hr weight lifting. saturday afternoon was just i dunno and then me and katie were gonna go to the stills concert on sat evening, but we didnt have tickets and they were sold out. we almost had one ticket, but that didnt happen. so we came back here and chilled out with everyone and watched snl.
yesterday went to brunch with lauren at place milton and then we went to les ailes to check out their bankruptcy sale, but it was only good if 50% off a 200$ pair of pants was still affordable. so i went into the office and diddled around there for a while. well not diddle so much as put out a kickass a&e section this week. got done just in time to watch the grammys. not too too bad, but the highlight was the funk medley. yeah, good shit. dunno what else happened. interesting conversation to end the day. who knows where that one ended up. made for an odd feeling day today.
and then this morning was gym again and french and then trib office and scolding. going to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the beatles first us visit by watching the ed sullivan footage tonight. the band that changed the world and music as we know it. more later i guess.
07/02/04(945am)- ok so after the gym on thursday, it was a pretty good day. not the best day, but atleast a little more even-handed than the previous month or so. dont quite remember what happened in the evening, but by then the muscles were starting to feel it and i was kinda pooped. yesterday i went to french lit and it was okay. after that, i went to caps to take this personality/placement type test. hope that 25$ tells me something else about what im gonna do once i graduate. after that, i decided to see miracle. i give it 3.5/5 stars. ill have to grant that i'm an american, but im also probably the only american with a team canada jersey that was cheering for canada in '02. my personal commentary:
1. i didnt understand what the opening credits was for until i realised that it was to show what kind of state that the US was in prior to the games.
2. i didnt think in anyway that it thought it was trying to be, or was being the mighty ducks. they're disneyesque stories, but two different ones
3. the iranian connection, again, had nothing to do with the soviets. but it was a state of the american psyche. hence, why jimmy carter's speech made it into the storyline too.
4. the game was highly nationalized. i will grant that the 1980 semi-finals game was self-coined "the greatest miracle on ice" by the americans, but i dont know what less anyone would expect? it was a testament to the americans snubbing the moscow games and the rivalries between the two teams
5. the closing point (which is though, more a sports related point than an a&e point)- that in an age of "dream teams," the dreams are gone.
so in conclusion, i enjoyed the movie for three reasons 1) the accurate-albeit jingoistic-ness of the story. 2) the synthesis between the sport(entertainment) and history 3) the idea of pushing the odds to achieve goals (the "real" dream teams).
after miracle was just in time to do a little writing and then edboard. went to the aus office to escape afterwards and and congrats to andrea for being vp finance unacclaimed cause no one wanted to run against her even though she would have probably chickened out if someone did :-p. after that respite from my office was just about time for super furry animals at cafe campus. the opening band didnt make it across the border, but sfa was interesting. the music was very sonically enhanced. and they had an interesting background display running the whole show. then for the "encore" they came back out dressed in yeti suits, and then left stage. afterwards, we were scrambling to get an interview, but the stagehands and whatnot were all being complete dicks about it. finally we found sfa's manager and he said he'd check, but it ended up that the guys were too drunk anyways. atleast that was better than the assholes around them. "look at me im cool im a roadie." anyways, i came home and that was about it. i was pretty tired. tonight is the stills concert. that should be pretty damn fun. wonder if we can get an interview with them instead...
an anomaly on the stats counter showed someone spending like a half hour reading reflections going back almost a half year. weird. lets try this again without people being dicks about what they say...
(1225am)- super furry animals was good. this close to the interview, but they were too drunk to do so. yet another weird edboard. my cyberpersona story pushed. caps tests. saw miracle. those are things i need to talk about. stills tomorrow night. more poetry written. thats it for now.
05/02/04(1045am)- i woke up and went to the gym for the first time. id like to say i want to make this a daily thing, but we'll see. i dont know what the rest of this day will turn out like, especially after the conversation that closed off last night (who even knows to what impact it had), but i can say that margaret singlehandedly put some spin of happiness on the day with some photos she sent me from when she came up last spring break. giant shamrock? good times.
04/02/04(1005pm)- the first morph of hope seed is coming along now. i had a horrible dream at 645 this morning. panicked and woke up feeling extraordinarily emotional, so i grabbed a note pad and jotted down the contents of this dream before going back to bed. and then classes were okay i guess- though after a half hour of french, i kinda was tanking in both french classes. waiting for some more responses back for psych interviews for my features piece "reflections on a cyberself." then zoya and i went to boustans for falafel since i never went to boustans before. pretty good. um, need to watch tonights les bougon still. um, i dont know whats next. still trying to figure out graduation... i might go after all? i hear november graduation is actually a nicer graduation than june. and red and white? up in the air. had more to say but i forgot it all. *shrug*
03/02/04(1055pm)- its snowing now. it warmed up here to snow. and im getting overlooked for overpriced tickets to orlando. im getting overlooked for incompatible break schedules. this morning i went to the caps counselling service so i could test friday to see what kinds of potential jobs are out there that i might be interested in. music? pr? i dont know. i dont know where. ive staked a claim in job hunting in toronto in two weeks, ive staked a claim for the way i feel inside, the future is nobody's friend. and the more im trying to figure out how to cross the hurdles of the future, the more the hurdles of the present are tripping me up. im trying to figure out what to do or who to go to red and white with. graduation isnt til november now because i have to do summer courses in may/june. and the insides of the psyche just hears poetry that tries to relay feelings that belittle myself. this great need to do right by everyone else and yet, the only person i should do right by-myself- isnt being done. immense anxiety, immense frustration, immense disappointment. sometimes when we perceive ourselves to be overshadowed by the negatives of life, its hard to find those positive things. for instance, how can i shut out/be shut at edboard and remain convinced that thats the course of action to be taken? when is silence loud? and when does the heart speak louder than the mind? when is it that rational judgment becomes obscured in the shadows of a feeling? but most importantly, when is it that you matter most to the things that most matter to you? when delusions of a past well-founded is something you want to continue forth with, but are dragged behind in life? what is this notion that drives us- this desire not to have someone fall to mediocracy when you know that she sees you as anything but the mediocracy she would otherwise know?
too many questions for one man...
(635pm)-
Radiating on the steps of clefs
Whole note in a minor key
Slam beat back heart pulsations
Arpeggiations of this simple melody to weave
A maelstrom of orchestral fury
and confusing pitch harmonics
Phase distortion on sound reverberations
--rest--
cut time, this is
my life in 128th notes
02/02/04(1150pm)- long day on campus. french language history class. jazz midterm. writers meeting. edboard. im writing my features story this week on cyberpersonality. then stuck around and dined with david before going to the play. reviewed TNC's version of waiting for godot. it was kinda dry in some places, but im a sucker for existentialism. reminded me of sartre's no exit. im pooped now though. finishing up another poem to upload shortly and then prolly turning in.
(1205am)- lets hear it for the patriots! now lets hear it for me not caring about the superbowl so i only caught the last 5 minutes! on the other hand, im fairly pleased with the way our section turned out this week, mishaps that we had. and yeah, office was weird. resort to whisperings? no, more like resort to writing more poetry. now i just need ftv vol. 2 so i can fill in the middle puzzle piece and finish the concept for folio 4. that one's gonna be a doozy. another day of classes tomorrow, fun is. another edboard tomorrow, fun is. and yeah.
01/02/04(1220pm)- watching mclaughlin group. show's great. talk about good punditry. however, i love how the media is backfiring against dean and now kerry. the democrats just might not win the next election. not if the media sucks to shit. not that its a conspiracy, but its a conspiracy. 477$ billion deficit. w00t. watch that ad on moveon.org. go reaganomics. um yesterday was miffy and i had a lame evening, though i talked to chantelle at depot for like, 40 min while she was on break. shes a year older than elise, but its weird because i couldnt even imagine elise in that spot a year from now. but apples are apples and oranges are oranges. *shrug* speaking of elise, 2 weeks til she comes. still trying to figure out what about red and white. still figuring out what im gonna do next. going to toronto in a couple weeks. todays the super bowl. dont care much about football, but it is a social event, so we're gonna be at the office and running up and down to gerts. should be interesting in the office. but then, the office is always weird these days. on that note, time to get around to making something of the day...
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