28/06/04(410pm)- scratch that. andrea might be coming wednesday instead. as in 2 days. this is very exciting. and overwhelming. but namely exciting :-D [discuss]

(1245pm)- well, shortly after going to second cup yesterday to try and get wireless access. after rebooting, i started to encounter major problems with the computer. so i ran dell diagnostics, and by the time 81% of the hard drive was through, it started coming into major errors. luckily i was able to back up all my data, because i was planning on reformatting anyways. so i reformatted with dells help, but unfortunately, they couldnt help me anymore than that so shes gotta send me an entirely new hard drive. problem with that is that because its in the us, theyre not sure if they can ship to canada, so i might have to get it shipped home, and then to here. so basically, my only computer access whatsoever right now, is by going to campus. so i dunno how frequent that will be cause class is only 2 nights a week.

so i havent died yet (even though somethings fucked up cause i cant sleep and then i sleep but poorly, and then im tired but not sleepy and so now ive got a head cold and my voice is raspy/laryngitis and i think i got whatever elise had earlier last week. yesterday, just went out sandal shopping with david, but i still cant find those rockport sandals i like in my size 9. went back to his place for dinner and crashed on the couch during the second episode of the simpsons, talked to andrea, talked to lauren, went insomniac, and that was that for the evening.

today is election day in canada. the minority government is pretty obvious, the question is, by how much? my prediction is that the liberals will get a last minute surge from people who'll say "you know, atleast they're not the conservatives." the end result will be that the liberals will have 40%, the conservatives 35%, ndp 14%, and the bloc 9%.

andrea might be coming up on thursday, im really excited about that cause it looks like the ottawa plans were going to be nixed anyways :-/ but that news makes me really happy :-D [discuss]

27/06/04(910am)- couple quick things- i think i need sleeping pills or something because i can not get a good nights sleep, even when im worn as fuck. and im starting to get a cold as a result. even that isnt knocking me out- its making me only tired. so i came back later in the evening and i couldnt get into the apartment cause the door handle did that thing its done to me once or twice before where it completely jams and the lever cant be pushed down to disengage the mechanism. so the door's undeadbolted, but i cant open it. so im pulling and pushing and kicking and nothings working and a cop car drives by and im afraid they think im up to something so i start getting more discreet since burglaries arent necessarily out of the question in this part of town. finally i go to depot and write some poetry, hoping i can fall asleep there until morning when theres less cops and i can try differently. well i didnt fall asleep, but i was really tired, so around 5, i decided to go back and try again using some bristolboard handbill and after wedging and jamming and lots of frustration, the door finally opens and i finish my evening.

why i got home so late was because nadim and i went to go see fahrenheit 911 (david saw it earlier in the day- he was a bum and never called home so he never got my message through nadim). anyways, we bought our tickets around 1015pm at parc and they had only 99 seats left for the 1215am showing. we got there at 1155 to get seated and there was already a lineup for seating- the showing had sold out (as did the rest of the day's showings.) i think there's only one word i can truly think of to describe it: stunning. i dont know if i want to do a movie review here right now so much as give observations about it all. because obviously, theres a dichotomy between good film and good politik. its easy to see why there was some controversy at cannes over it because of its politik, but its a finely done movie.

well for starters, its a finely done movie. if you compare moore's style here to that of bowling for columbine, i think he's definitely matured as a documentarist. moore likes to be hands on, especially in interviews. there is no doubt about that. but in this movie, his hands-on-ness is less prevalently seen on camera, but for a few places, such as the drive around the capitol reading the patriot act out of the ice cream truck, or even an interview with a former fbi investigator describing the need to subpoena the binladens that were flown out of the us on 9/13. i think the most jarring thing he does filmwise (which is odd when you compare to BFC) is, after the initial setup, how he depicts the wtc attacks. in bfc, the central act is shown using footage from surveillance, using 911 calls, done in slow motion, etc etc. in 911, moore's central act uses a black screen but only audio, creating a powerful effect by not showing us the visuals of the attack themselves. i dont know about anyone else in the theatre at that point, but it was frighteningly odd that even though there were no visuals, the sound cues alone were enough for the mind to project on the screen the images we've seen so many hundreds of times.

i was actually worried that this movie was going to be too much like his 2003 book, dude wheres my country. it was. in fact, the structure of 911 is based largely on the book; taking us backwards to the florida recount and the lame duck first 8 months of the presidency and then forth from there to afghanistan and iraq (which, as the book was released in september, moore now had the benefit of 911 commission snippets as well as more footage of some of the iraqi abuse/american soldier abuse that was going on following the book.

no one can dispute that moore is a propagandist. i dont think moore will dispute that (though i should check on that because if i was him, id be trying to get facts straight). in fact, i would be willing to venture a guess in saying that no american takes as much advantage of the freedom of information act as moore does. however, moore's propaganda in this film flies with what the rest of the world is already thinking of george bush and post-911 american politik. moore writes like he speaks, so reading the book was simple, but watching the movie and hearing the narration somehow serves to augment the points moore tries to make. for instance, i think listening to him make his point about 7% of the states being owned by saudis and their influence in the carlyle group is made more poignant when accompanied by footage of all of both bushes meetings with the saud family, or footage of a visit to the saudi embassy where moore is approached by secret service (who are assigned to prince bandar). easy to see why in the age of an overabundance of anti-bush books, house of bush, house of saud was a bestseller. as moore draws the links to oil money, as moore draws the links to 911, as moore presents his own conclusions on why iraq happened, theres no denying that any of these conclusions are true. it would be easy to make the assertions- moore is just able to construct his claims in a logically syllogistic manner using as much public footage as he can get his hands on.

true, in moore fashion, he goes on the front lines with sob story interviews that draw in the emotion of the common man (who i think moore espouses his appeal to), and his willingness to jump in and take radical action (such as getting a marine from iraq to help him recruit the kids of congressmen). with all the controversy now though, it will be more difficult for moore to do this in the future- ask any of the congressmen who ran away from moore, making themselves too visibly preoccupied to talk to him. i can imagine that it becomes harder to be a shitdisturber when you gain so much notoriety for doing so.

the other striking thing is the ease at which he deflates the bush administration. in an election year, this movie couldnt have been out in a more primetime, though i think the original intended release date of september would be just enough to help the november elections. it will probably be fairly difficult for the buzz to sustain until november. but we're faced with the situation we were faced with in 2000- who do you vote for? well, you dont vote for bush. kerry? the lesser of two evils? no, okay how bout green or libertarians? but then you might as well be wasting your vote like nader in 2000. dont vote? people say if you dont vote you cant complain. but you know, you can complain. i was debating with my dad (as i had done a couple of times while i was back home) about voting and his thing is that america is great because every four years, we get a chance to remove the guy in power if we dont see him fit to be there anymore (like johnson or carter). and unlike countries like australia, where voting is mandatory by penalty of fine, americans have the right to vote, we also have the right not to vote. god knows i hate bush and dont want him in another 4 years, but does that mean anything? is it better or worse to vote, or to not vote, for the lesser of two evils? personally im not sure who i'm voting for anymore. i dont know if ill vote kerry just because i want bush out. maybe its time for a multi-party system. maybe ill vote for the marijuana party, after all, atleast theyve got an issue to rally around. and they dont flipflop on it either.

this brings me to one of the final things im gonna say about fahrenheit 911 for this entry: the dichotomy of government and politik. among one of the things thats unclear to a lot of people when i talk about canada and my adoration for it is that they think i dislike america, that im anti-american, etc. the fact is, im not. i dont believe that america is the only greatest country, that america is the only country that affords its citizens the same protections as the bill of rights, etc... but that doesnt make me anti-american. dad seems to think that if i got dual citizenship, that it would be an affront to my patriotic duties as solely an american. whereas, i look at it the same way a father might look at his daughter on her wedding day: he's not losing a daughter, but gaining a son-in-law. when i came to canada 4 years ago, i didnt realise that maybe, if the son-in-law is good for the daughter, he might be okay in my book. but after living my formative political years here in canada, and after having spend 3 out of 4 of those years in a post-9/11 world, ive come to recognize the current disconnect in the otherwise symbiotic relationship between politik and government. i think the american constitution is an amazing document. it gives us rights to and rights from. i also think that in the post911 world, the document has been outstandingly distorted.

moore most formidibly shows this in his assessment of the patriot act (of which, according to rep. conyers, wasnt really read because no one reads legislation, else the process slow down). he then gets into a story of an old man who is at a health club talking about how bush is an asshole and then finds fbi agents come to his house while he's napping to bring him for questioning. or the peace group in fresno who was infiltrated by an undercover agent.

when i finished the movie, i didnt know whether to throw up or cry. it was like i wanted to- when i go home again- carry a copy of the constitution and the patriot act in my back pocket so i cant be painted as a traitor. americans do live under a constitution that is supposed to protect our rights of speech, a constitution that allows for dissent without being considered traitorous. the fact that i dont like bush doesnt make me a traitor, the fact that i like canada and wouldnt mind living here, doesnt make me a traitor. nor is michael moore a traitor. i cant remember which famous person said the quote about if you cant dissent in trying times, than something is wrong... but its true. moore feels that its his patriotic duty to point out the flaws in society, the flaws in government, the flaws in politik. he's right. when you suspend the right of dissenters, of those who are trying to show the other side, thats when you espouse yourself to be a totalitarian state, ask those under hitler or stalin.

this movie should not have been rated r, teenagers should have been allowed to see it, just like they should be required to see bowling for columbine. over the top? maybe. genius? yes. [discuss]

26/06/04(920pm)-on the bus at the corner of berri and rene levesque. im suddenly struck in my heart, why and how much i miss this city. [discuss]

(715pm)- i think ive figured it out. one of the biggest problems facing america is discipline. im not talking about boot camp discipline, or child abuse, im talking about just saying no and getting the word "no" through to your kids. making them accept the word "no." my trip from white river to burlington had a pair of brothers, probably 6 and 8 years old. and the entire bus was quiet except for them. the grandmother, who was talking to god knows whom on her cell phone from time to time, did nothing to shut the kids up. theyre squealing and at one point the 6 year old was beating up on the 8 year old, and yet i hadnt heard a word out of the woman to keep her kids behaved.

i was told that when i was a real real little kid (as in 2 years old even), i was the easiest kid to travel with. we went to visit my bubbie around that time and i apparently was so well behaved that the grandmothers were passing me up and down the plane- easily killing 2 good hours of babysitting for my parents :-) one day we were at the beach and i saw some stranger reading the newspaper and so i went up to him, sat down in his lap and started reading the paper with him before my parents had to come take me away. i guess that was the start of the child harness years because i would just go wandering off talking to whomever would talk back to me (i guess you could say i still like talking to whomever would talk back to me- ask andrea).

i bring this anecdote up because american society faces one of its biggest problems yet. we have overflow of people in prisons who needn't necessarily be there had their parents just enforced the meaning of the word "no." (take imprisonment as you will- stemming from assault and battery to executive corruption.) no parent wants to be the bad guy. hell, my parents still dont want to be the bad guys to elise and me. but sometimes you need to lay down the foot to get respect. and i still stand by the canadian supreme court's decision that a parent should be allowed to spank their children. i mean belt beatings are one thing, but if we did something bad, my dad wasnt afraid to give a potch on the tush to get some respect. and you know what, it worked. i hardly think of myself as someone who is being looked at on the bus im riding as "one of those people;" the type you know are just waiting to do nothing with their lives but wear sean john clothes and miscoloured yankees caps with the new era sticker still on the flattend brim to the side.

yes, people make mistakes in life. people make fuckups of all types- some fuck themselves over, some fuck other people over. but somedays i think about what its going to be like for me to raise children in this world- to raise children in american society. i think about things that annoy me about society and i make a mental note of how my parents raised me. then, i stick that note in the back of the mental filing cabinet so that when i dothat, no, i will not do.

8 miles to st. albans, vt. i should either read my harpers or write a poem. i think im gonna see fahrenheit 911 tonight cause my sleeping is fucked up and its starting to give me a cold. need vitamin c. ill probably come up with more when i get home...before i can finally get on the internet at the apartment. [discuss]

(1230pm)- happy 22nd birthdays to andrew and sarah! its been a couple of days since the last update and as im writing this one, im on the bus to springfield to white river jct, vt, en route to montreal. not much been going on the past couple of days at home, though the last two days, ive readied 140 resume packets to be mailed out july 30. this way, by the time employers get them, ill be heading home to be available for interviews. although, im going on a major job hunt blitz when i get back up there because ive come to the conclusion that i cant come home anymore. not because i hate my family or anything, but because my parrents and elise are the only things really that tie me to south windsor anymore. i was home three weeks and the only person who was interested in seeing me was andrew. and i saw a couple other people just from doing the acoustic open mics at the main pub. speaking of which, this weeks was horrible for me. i tanked on the lyrics to the sounds of sleep, my e string went flat in the middle of muzzle of bees, and i was so nerve wrecked that green eyes was shoddily played. same as last night- i was over at the rane space while they were practicing for their july 4 weekend camper... i played keys on sun lays down and hazelnut, but very nerve wracked again. but it was cool, dan was a sport about letting me play on his keys. its weird, because even when a musician knows someone else is a musician and can play the instruments, they get very touchy when other people play their own. i dunno, i dont have that problem, sorta. if i know someone can play guitar, i dont have a problem with them playing mine; i figure if they have the skill to play it, then mine is just the tool they use, kinda like borrowing a really expensive pencil.

anyways, then renata played a bunch of songs off their new album out on my birthday, so that will be cool. sounds, on the whole, more upbeat than their first album. also, i got to see andrews new place on wed, so that was cool because he was dying to show it to me and it was really nice. monday, hughesy came up and brought me my cake and a medal. um... france got knocked out of euro cup by the greeks yesterday. very dissappointing. now i think im gonna root for the danes like novick, my football mentor, is. the new phish/the album leaf/wilco albums are phenomenal. oh, and ive been talking to andrea a lot in the past week. things are going extraordinarily, hopefully we'll get to meet in montreal during my stay there. shes possibly getting a job at a pr firm (depending on how the interview is). yes, shes the one keeping me up til 3am, its all her fault. oh and i got the new home desktop running- new dell, pentium 4, 2.8ghz, 40gb hard drive, 256mb ram. runs like butta.

looking forward to getting back to montreal, even if im by myself until andrea comes along. hopefully maybe ill get visitors or something during jazzfest? anyways, packing up for now. just arriving in the springfield station where i wait 20 min until we take off for white river. montreal here i come....more later.... [discuss]

21/06/04(1200pm)- well another day, another wait til montreal. actually looking forward to next thursday- its canada day. so now im talking to david about finding a car and going to ottawa for the day. it'd be like going to dc on july 4 (which ive also never done). so that would be really cool.

yesterdays party was alright, we had about 30 people here. gave elise the second part of her gift: the worst case scenario survival handbook: college. i think she'll like it. considering the first thing she flipped to was "how to survive the dorm bathrooms," i see this as something that will come in handy for her ;-)

bill clintons book comes out tuesday. ive got a few books ive gotta finish before i can get to that one. today its listening to the football matches on bbc radio 5 and waiting for lauren to come around and then who knows what. been up late the past couple of nights til like 3am gmailing (that thing is great for conversations with people who dont use instant messaging programs). the odd thing is, ive been waking up around 9am on my own accord. and i dont know why that is. *stupid grin* [discuss]

18/06/04(325pm)- the webster was alright. ranes set was your average set although they closed with radioheads "national anthem" and had the jennifer hartswick band's horn section doing the horns part. it was spectacular. and j-ha? man that girl can fucking sing. not only is she good at trumpet but shes a mad singer/scatter. and yesterday i just hung around the house while mom's cooking and whatnot for sunday's big fathers day thingy here. in the evening i went to see nero play at sullys pub. it was actually better than the montreal show in may, even though it was shorter. dave lauzon is a fucking amazing guitarist. so i chilled around with them til their set around midnight. was kinda cool cause some people knew them from their tour with psychedelic breakfast, so the place was really alive. no one was sitting, even at the bar. like i said in my dec'02 review, "not a force to be reckoned with..."

looking forward to going back to mtl next weekend. course should be good. and itll be good to get out of the house and since i prolly wont have cable internet, ill have to find old-fashioned ways to entertain myself. hang out at depot like its my second home. and who knows if ill retaliate with a mini opus. tonight would be an opus night, but im not there. not that it stopped me in december, but it just would not be the same. plus i wont be there for august opus weekend cause class will be done. ooh the august opus would be on my birthday.

been talking to new stalker chick andrea for the past couple days. she seems pretty cool. gmail is great for conversations- its like an inbetween email/im. reading what she has to say in her reply emails is like looking in the mirror. she did history/polisci, graduated in june, but is taking a year off before maybe going back to school to do magazine journalism. its like that seinfeld episode where jerry finds that he was looking for another him. lol. (or as anton would like to say, *lol*) :-p [discuss]

17/06/04(735pm)- congratulations to elise and the rest of the swhs class of 2004. im watching as the graduates are exiting the auditorium and theres elise still chewing her gum. its hard to believe that four years ago i was in that same place (well ours was outdoors cause the weather was better and didnt force us inside), but its hard to believe how far 4 years can bring a person. im so proud of her and i know shes gonna do awesome at penn state. im definitely gonna miss her when she goes off to school.

open mic sucked cause there was no time for me to play. nothing else happened today. going to the webster with lauren tonight. nero tomorrow night. registered for my concordia course mondays&wednesdays 18:30-21:00. until aug 12. france tied, not cool. deficits, terror, working class, losing support of the rest of the world... mario cuomo on msnbc is right: george w. bush wont do more than 2 debates in this election, if any at all. [discuss]

16/06/04(450pm)- painting fences is no fun, especially when they're the picket kind with slat openings. and gates are even worse, and 28 degree weather is even worse and humidity is even worse and open sun is even worse. and i just want to stop and say im done now and practice for open mic. grandpa and marilyn stopped by briefly before moving on. and i thought the football game was today but its tomorrow so maybe i can actually listen on bbc take 5. maybe i should get back and be done with this finally :-/ [discuss]

(925am)- france plays croatia tomorrow. ive gotta paint these damn fence gates. couple of points: 1. dont think ive had any new classes with new stalker. 2. im definitely going back to montreal to take a french lit course at concordia june 28-aug 12 because mcgill is being assholish about some credits i need to finish my french lit minor and thus my degree. gives me time to resume resumes though. 3. beastie boys' to the 5 boroughs is a top 3 album this year. i have to write a review. 4. ive gotta paint these damn fence gates before it starts getting hot. it was like 33 yesterday and it pisses me off- i hate heat. 5. need to get more practice before tonights open mic. picture from last week. 6. went minigolfing with andrew yesterday- first time out the house since friday. it sucks. 7. i dont wanna paint, but i should get out now while its not yet hot :-/ [discuss]

14/06/04(500pm)- well sweden won 5-0. and it turns out ive had yet another smalrus.com stalker for the past year and a half :-p this one went to mcgill too. history/polisci- i wonder if she was in any classes with me.... [discuss]

(145pm)- well now that the porch is painted, it went and rained. great. so im home bored again. wish i could find some football radio on the net or something. they're showing mls on sportsnet, but thats not anything, so it looks like spongebob it is.

ps, when did my tax dollars go to pay for the golden knights to sky dive with former president bush? [discuss]

13/06/04(1020pm)- well, the porch is now painted, now all ive got to do is paint the gates, but theres not so much left to do. besides, it'll give me something to do.

also since ive got nothing to do now since the hockey season is over and i root for the yankees but i stopped caring about baseball so it doesnt count, ive decided to follow euro cup 2004. and since i dont know who to root for in that, ive decided im rooting for the french. why? because ive been to france and i speak the language (thats about as good a reason as rooting for the habs in kindergarden because chris frechette did. but then again ive been a habs fan since then, so thats stuck and here i am).

since only one game is down (and they beat england 2-1), ive still got time to root for them. novick says pick the dutch. but i dont know any better and i could say ive got more allegiance to the french for no reason. so france here we go. next up: croatia, thursday. win another one for the gipper [discuss]

(950am)- jesus i was bored last night until i had a massive reflux attack around 1030. which sucked not only cause it was my first attack in about a month, but because it put a damper on any other plans for the evening that i might created. like jen immed me and jon called probably around 11, but i was already upstairs agonizing on my bed. i subsequently fell asleep probably before 11. usually i end up having to sleep it off cause i mean i already took a prescription strength dose of zantac and already taking prilosec and it was still killing me. take a simple case of heartburn. magnify the pain and discomfort by about 100. thats what having a reflux attack is. it can throw an otherwise normal night into a complete 180 in about 1/2 hr. hopefully i can start taking care of it on this end cause i thought after a month of no attacks that that was it, but apparently not.

yesterday during the day, dad and i started painting the fences and the back porch for the fathers day bbq. painting went okay. we'll probably be finished today. i used the off skintastic crap with deet... i dunno, my legs are totally bitten up this morning. ive otherwise been bored. i saw andrew, i saw sarah--- hell, ive even seen hughesy a couple of times already--- but since i got back 10 days ago, thats been it :-/ i wish i had a job to make more friends here or something. else i end up just watching tv, reading a book, or waiting to paint the porch. moving back home is hard. theres like nowhere to go out and no one to go out with. and for some reason, i had a dream about alien vs. predator and ive never even seen either movie and dont care. i think i was trying to save jen, which was weird. i have one gmail invite left to give out. [discuss]

11/06/04(915am)- my parents went over my job stuff. hopefully i can resume resumés this weekend. i should have been in montreal, but im still waiting for the prof to get back to me. my parents want me consolidating trips and dont want me spending gas and spending twice in general if im going up, so until i hear back im on hold. i want to get a subscription to ny times here. i feel like im getting inadequate news coverage in print form from the courant. aside from the coverage of ronald reagan's funeral, the nation/world section that ive been reading in the hartford courant feels like in the one week ive been home, coverage has been 85% about iraq/afghanistan/al-qaida terror cells. i mean i know the montreal gazette had a lot on canadian news, but id say its world section was fairly well balanced. if you have to combine "nation/world" in your front section, that says a lot.

ive also been watching mtv a bit during the days since ive been home not getting out in the world. ive studied that yes, in fact they no longer show music videos. my conclusive study of 5 daytimes of mtv have shown 4 real world san diego marathons, and this fucked up show called "room raiders." im sure whats next is seeing the mtv movie awards over and over again for 5 days straight. sorry, i stand corrected. its 930 and the real world marathon is on.

i also turned on the radio. i found that the clearchannel airwaves of connecticut are about 70% hiphop/r&b/rap format. not only have they shut out independents (except university radio) but theyve shut out all formats. theyve managed even to phase ROCK MUSIC off the radio. i heard some pop rock on 96.5, but that was it. sad sad sad. no wonder i stopped listening. i would cut clearchannel out of my life completely except that they unfortunately own some of the venues where once in a while, theres a show i like.

i was watching steve irwin wrestle conan o'brien like a crocodile to the ground last night. outright hilarity.

in other news, thanks to margaret's invite, i now have a gmail account. that will now be my primary email account. (though because of msn i still know when i get hotmail so i still check it, but i prefer gmail since it saves everything). who do i know from harvard that reads my page?

oh and open mic on wed went great, there were a bunch of people there who played- this guy from release, ryan montebleau, alan and bowman, paula, david cain, and randy collins. i dueted with alan. we played radiohead's "fake plastic trees" and i sang and then rane's "where we come from" and he sang and i harmonied. so it was really cool cause we didnt rehearse beforehand or anything and although i was nervous and sweating like a pig, it was a lot of fun. i think im gonna go for the remainder of these wed. acoustic summer nights series and perform.

thats about it for now unless i figure something else out while im sitting here doing nothing. i want to go see saved!, spiderman2, fahrenheit 9/11 and the bourne supremacy. someone come get me out of this house :-/ [discuss]

10/06/04(410pm)- I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs, I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my life in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singin' this song for you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be, baby
I've treated you unkindly but girl can't you see
There's no one more important to me
So darling can't you please see through me
'cause we're alone now and I'm singin' my song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth, withholdin' nothin'
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better so if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love's in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for my life, 'cause you're a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singin' my song for you

RIP Ray Charles, 73 [discuss]

09/06/04(420pm)- :-/ hehehehe okay, im watching ellen (sorrily) and she's got "french for dummies" and is asking for a glass of tequila. oh dear this can only get worse.

waiting now to hear from prof on something that will either have me going to montreal this weekend or wait to consolidate a trip to later to save gas money. andrews supposed to come this weekend if i go, which is great cause ive been waiting 4 years for to hang out with him up there. hopefully the prof contacts me in a timely manner since id like the answers to my questions and id like to be able to go up this weekend.

im doing a little open mic at the main pub tonight so im a little nervous about that. and ive got a dentists appt in 5 min. and work on printing some resumes. so im going now.

06/06/04(1210am)- ive been on a bit of a poetry spell as of late again. been inspired by a few things from leaving montreal, to music, to old people in life, etc etc. feels good to write, it just kinda comes in spells though, when i feel like ive got a good line. wish i could do better with my lyric writing though. im gonna do open mics at the main pub on wednesdays this month. alan is hosting them and apparently they were pretty good.

anyways, yesterday after posting, i went back to the bank and chilled with them there and i might work there temporarily until i get the job i really really want with journalism. then went to the my morning jacket show at the webster at 730. it was cool cause the soundguy who got me the interview with them back in september was there and remembered me. anyways, the show was alright but they were playing much older material so i slipped out early and went to see rane at arch st. tavern. first show in 6 months. first set they had a guy accompanying on sax, but the second set was way better. they unshelved gauge, a new song "weakness," presence of the city, and live in style. it was a shortened set but for 4 songs, it was the best set list i could have picked.

so i saw paula and melanie there, except that i confused their names the entire night. so that sucked and i felt rude cause i shy around melanie, who i thought was paula, but shes going to florida for a couple months to live with her step-grandmother. so it was her last show for a few months, but i know how that is. but she'll probably be at the main pub on wed too. maybe some people will come out to see it.

speaking of people, its been since thurs im home and i havent seen anyone. then again i dont have anyone to see. andrews moving and jon didnt call me back about plans for tonight. so we'll see what tomorrow brings. probably going friday to montreal, possibly with andrew. its f1 weekend so that would be fun. oh, and today was elise's last piano recital. she did an impressive piece by debussy entirely by memory with all the dynamics and everything. im proud of her. that girls gonna do great at penn state. i wrote this whole email responding to a situation with someone, it had to do with the irrationality of love (cause she didnt think it was irrational, but ended up proving my case). maybe i'll end up editing it here cause i think it makes a lot of sense and kinda explains part of the mystique of much of my writings. stuff that gets mentioned indirectly or cryptically. anyways, time to watch more tv. more later.... [discuss]

04/06/04(1030am)-
"Toddler"

A thousand smiles
A thousand frowns
The faces seen
When feeling down
The homeless on
The street have turned
The pot and booze
"The Main" has spurned
Not high life, nor low life
Nor the masses in between
In the doubling of tongues
Drunken debauchery I have been
For imponderables plague
The pain and strife
Of the joie de vivre
The joys of life
From Sainte Catherine East
To Maisonneuve West
Succumb every day
To the ultimate tests
While the spotlight revolves
Pierce the blackness of night
In alerting the planes
That might be aflight
That I frequent this walk
On a daily basis
Take note of the people
In all of these places
As the day breaks teach
The intricacies to live
Like a speck in the sand
That is tossed in a sieve
For the world has a way
Of baring it all
And the place I grew up
Has become Montreal [discuss]

(1215am)- back in ct right now. resuming the job hunt from here until i can move wherever else. not doing anything otherwise. things of note, dad coming up, going with dad and david to else's. loading up the car, flat tire, writing paper on napster, pulling all nighter. writing poems about montreal, and the likes, crashing the next day, monday tuesday and wednesday were just lounging around, doing some more packing for when i go back to montreal next weekend. last night we went to frappe. saw people there i met on my very first night in montreal. good times for old times sake, we shot some pool like back in the day when it was me, seth, david, and nick. then today i was on the bus from 945am-650pm. and here i am, for conan. taking elise to school and work and all that other fun stuff that comes with getting the car in this house. been rather nostalgic the last few days. 4 years later, its tough. and if my poetry book wasnt upstairs, id put it in here now. its tough being home. its been 6 months since then. lots happened since then. lot reflected on since then. lot coming to terms with since then. keep thinking all those things, keep coming back to the start. like where i was a year ago at this time. a year ago next month. i was home for 10 days in the span of 9 months. being back just rekindles my insides. that's probably going to lead to be a bad thing.

i wanted to put on conan, but i turned to channel 18. it was telemundo. 9 months straight will do that to you. i think im gonna jump off elises computer and get on mine upstairs. i think i gotta reformat it maybe. more from upstairs... [discuss]